Primarily Stupid

Republican presidential hopefuls, former senator Rick Santorum (L), former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney (2nd-L), former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (2nd-R) and Texas Rep. Ron Paul (R) participate in the CNN Southern Republican Leadership Conference Town Hall Debate in Charleston, South Carolina, January 19, 2012, in advance of this weekend's January 21, 2012 Republican presidential primary. [Getty Images]

So, the Four Horsemen of the Crapocalypse had another debate last night, I'm not sure on what channel, and I didn't watch it because who fucking cares. I did watch some fun highlights this morning on the news, though! That and Google can make you an expert on anything—true fact! Here is my Executive Summary: Taxes, bootstraps, Jesus, Ronald Reagan, America, grandiosity, taxes, amen.

The "show-stopper" from last night's debate was Newt Gingrich's response when moderator John King asked him about the interview his ex-wife just gave to ABC News:

King: As you know, your ex-wife gave an interview to ABC News, and another interview at the Washington Post, and this story has now gone viral on the internet. In it, she says you came to her in 1999, at a time when you were having an affair; she says you asked her, sir, to enter into an open marriage. Would you like to take some time to respond to that?

Gingrich: No, but I will. [wild cheers and applause from the audience] I think, I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for office. And I am APPALLED that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that. [more wild cheers and applause; standing ovation]
He then goes on to say a bunch of garbage about how interviewing his ex-wife two days before a primary is "as close to despicable as anything I can imagine." Ha ha okay, player. Let us not lose sight of the fact that this is the same dude who reportedly delivered divorce papers to one ex-wife while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery and said ex-wife after she was diagnosed with MS. Newt Gingrich, I think you can PROBABLY imagine something closer to despicable, if you REALLY try.

Anyway! On the one hand, Gingrich has a point about asking a presidential candidate about private, consensual sexual behavior. On the other hand, this is the guy who led the impeachment charge against President Bill Clinton over a consensual blowjob. So if Newt Gingrich really doesn't like that his sexual peccadilloes are being brought up during a presidential primary debate, he quite literally doesn't have anyone to blame but himself.

Moving on...

Something something Ron Paul. Can you tell that I'm so over this guy? I'm so over this guy. I know that he and I share some pretty important views about foreign policy and the drug war, though we certainly stumbled to them from different directions, but I just don't give a fuck. He doesn't believe people with uteri should have bodily autonomy, he doesn't believe same-sex couples should be allowed equal rights, he doesn't believe the government should provide necessary institutional support to people with disabilities, he doesn't appear to believe that people of color are his equal, and he does appear to believe that poor people deserve their lot. He seemingly lacks the ability to empathize with anyone who is meaningfully different from himself, and that is not an acceptable characteristic for someone who wants to be the president of a diverse democracy.

Rick Santorum is still a sweater-vested bigot.

Mitt Romney offered an awesome retort to someone who asks him: "What will you do to support the 99% seeing as how you are part of the 1%?"

Romney, turning on the questioner with an ugly expression: Let me tell you something: America is a great nation, because we're a united nation, and those who are trying to divide the nation, like you're trying to do here and as our president's doing, are hurting this country seriously. The right course for America is not to divide Americans, and trying to divide us between one and other, is to come together as one as a nation. And if you've got a better model, if you think China's better, or Russia's better, or Cuba's better, or North Korea's better, I'd be glad to hear all about it! But [inaudible] America's right and you're wrong!
Great answer! Anyone who thinks the cavernous disparity between the wealthiest 1% of USians and alllllllll the rest of us is a problem, is a STINKIN' COMMIE! Ha ha perfect. Willard, you are a genius.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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