Primarily Bored

image of a campaign bus with Newt Gingrich's face on the side
"Hurry! The bus to hell is here!"

Y'all, I am so tired of this primary. There is only so much enthusiasm that one Melissa McEwan can generate over a contest between two super privileged white dudes to determine which super privileged white dude will become the next Republican nominee in a race to see if their corporate shill can defeat the Democrats' corporate shill and accelerate the pace at which this nation will be brought to grim ruination at the avaristic hands of soulless corporations.

Social Security: Sponsored by Sprint!

You know what the worst thing about a joke like "Social Security: Sponsored by Sprint!" is...? That Sprint would never sponsor Social Security. It would just dismantle it and instead sponsor Sprint's Happy Funtime Work Camps for the Aged and Infirm!

Play in the news, Nero...

Frontrunners Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are neck-and-neck in Florida, ahead of its primary tomorrow. Or they're not, depending on who you ask. If you ask me, Romney is totally ahead and he's going to win, and then this thing should be over, but it probably won't be, because some rich weirdo is going to keep funding Gingrich's SuperPAC, and Gingrich will keep running as long as he's got money he can't spend at Tiffany's.

Reporteth the Wall Street Journal : "Gingrich Predicts 'Straight-Out Contest' for Months."


And when he inevitably keeps hanging in there, lobbing round after round of criticism at Mitt Romney, hoping to defeat him, and Mitt Romney starts stomping on sour grapes to make whine about how Newt Gingrich is hurting his chances in the general election by forcing him to run a long and contentious primary contest, let us remember that is not only evidence of Mitt Romney's bratty entitlement, but of his resounding contempt for democracy.

Speaking of hostility to authentic democracy, something something Ron Paul.

image of Ron Paul saying: 'Democracy for everyone! Uh, give the ladies' votes to fetuses.'

Rick Santorum is one of two Catholics in this now 50% Catholic content, the other being Newt Gingrich. (Ron Paul is a Baptist, and, as you may have heard, Mitt Romney is a Mormon. President Obama, is, of course, a Muslin.) So it was a cool boost for the Catholic candidates this weekend when Catholic bishops and priests read out letters of protest at mass this weekend, vilifying the Obama administration's policy of paid birth control coverage. Neato! I continue to be thrilled that religious institutions are afforded tax exempt status!

POP QUIZ: Is it possible for a man obsessed with biparisanship to be an effective president in an age of hyper-partisanship?

If you said no, give yourself 1,000 points, redeemable at Shakesville's Bitter Irony Shop.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

[Photo via.]

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus