[Trigger warning for misogyny, gender essentialism, heterocentrism, classism.]
So, for the last few days one of the main headlines on CNN's homepage has been "Carolla: 'Are men becoming chicks?' Now, Adam Carolla has made a career for himself as a professional misogynist, the consummate anti-feminist man's man, and [TW for trans and fat hatred] an all-around dirtbag, so I avoided it for about a day, and then my curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on the link.
Surprise! It was overflowing with FAIL.
[Full transcript at end of post.]
Of course, Carolla confuses women's gains in equality with "men becoming chicks".
Spitzer: "You think this is a dangerous thing to be avoided?"It's possibly the most back-asswards, gender-essentialist, classist, stupidest FAILboats I've seen in a long time, all rolled into about 2 minutes of OMGWTFLOLSOB.
Carolla: "It is! Well, I think there's a reason why we're different, and it's mostly about the kids. It's mostly about saying 'Here's Dad and here's Mom,' not 'Here's bluughhhhhh and here's blluuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh.'" [laughter all around]
On top of the fact that Adam Carolla was allowed this platform to ponder the nature of prescribed gender roles and get plenty of laughs from the hosts on this topic in the first place, he goes on to vilify welfare recipients, including his own mother. He invokes the classic, yet somehow still-in-use-today "welfare makes pplz lazy" argument. ::facepalm::
But wait! It gets better!
Turns out he's coming out with a book, titled "In 50 Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy". Yeah, that's a common complaint in my circles of ladyfriends.... /snark
In case you haven't had enough brilliant Carolla-isms yet, here's a snippet from an interview about the upcoming book:
You say in the book that "guys are smarter than women. ... Men build all the bridges, all the dams, go to the moon, et cetera. It's a fact" and note it's frustrating to see men depicted as idiots in TV commercials. How do you reconcile that with the fact that you have a daughter?Thanks for telling me what attitude to "adapt" toward your shameless, bare-faced sexism, Adam! Since a menz is telling me how to feel, I can be confident that it'll be the right way. XD
There are certain things that women are better at than men and men are better at than women, and I'm tired of everyone trying to shove us into the same Cuisinart. Every single commercial has a guy as a buffoon, but we sit and take it. Women maybe should adapt that attitude toward the book. There are obviously differences, but it doesn't mean my daughter can't be an inventor. She can be whatever she wants to be."
Transcript from the Parker Spitzer interview starts here - although it starts a little bit before the video begins and concludes after it ends, so you get the full effect of this FAILtastrophe:
SPITZER: Now it's time for fun with politics. As we all know Kathleen wrote a book "Save the Males" and our guest tonight seems to agree with her that men are an endangered species.
PARKER: He's got a lot of man cred. He rose up from being a construction worker and boxing training to "Jimmy Kimmel," comedian and co-host of TV's "Love Line" and "The Man Show." Please welcome author of "In Fifty Years We'll all be Chicks," Adam Carolla.
CAROLLA: Thank you.
PARKER: All right, Adam, you don't look like a chick. Do you think you're becoming a chick?
CAROLLA: Well, if I took my shirt off I think...
PARKER: You did dance in a Zorro contest on "Dancing with the Stars," come on.
CAROLLA: Well, I was the only one entered in a Zorro contest, everyone else was trying to win a dance contest.
SPITZER: On a unicycle, no less.
PARKER: On a unicycle.
CAROLLA: You know what? I got no love for going out there on my unicycle in front of 20 million people and possibly landing on my keister and...
SPITZER: Oh come on, people must applaud you when you walk down the street, now.
PARKER: All right. So why do you think men are becoming chicks? I mean, I know why I think men are becoming chicks, why do you think?
CAROLLA: Well, I don't even think we're becoming women, I think we're becoming one. I think it's like an "X" and somewhere whenever they filmed "Mad Men" we were at the bottom of one side of the "X" and you guys were at the bottom of the other and we're heading toward this.
SPITZER: You think this is a dangerous thing to be avoided?
CAROLLA: It is.
SPITZER: You're trying to swing away this trend.
CAROLLA: I think there's a reason why we're different and it's mostly about the kids. I mean it's mostly about saying, here's dad and here's mom. Not here's blah and here's blah. You know, mom's got the six-pack abs and the dads staying home...
PARKER: OK, so you know that when kids come out of the chute they are different for the most part, they are very, very different, right?
CAROLLA: Totally different. Absolutely. I have twins.
PARKER: We try to make them the same. What's up with that?
SPITZER: Twins, boys, girl.
CAROLLA: I have a boy and girl and they're wildly different and it's the same deal. It's the same thing I sort of grew up on a steady diet from the '70s of all this crap where, well it's all society and the man and if you give a little boy a dolly he'll love the dolly just like he'll love his truck.
SPITZER: No, no.
CAROLLA: BS. BS. These people should all be run down and sued, by the way.
SPITZER: You're winning this debate now, right, I mean, you're winning. I think there's a real pushback and people are buying your... CAROLLA: How can you argue with it? it's so true, you have kids. You can tell.
PARKER: I gave my son a doll. I was one of those people...
SPITZER: No, you didn't.
PARKER: Yes, I did. I gave him a doll because I wanted him to be -- I grew up the same time you did. I did, but you know, he like started ripping the arms off and then...
SPITZER: Oh, my god.
PARKER: No, I recovered quickly because then I said what am I doing? This is ridiculous. And girls, girls will sit and watch things and talk and chitchat. You know, they like to do that. You know, they build little nests.
CAROLLA: We're very different. We're different and it's good. In the animal kingdom they're different. We don't have a problem with it. We're not like, hey, that polar bear chick and that polar bear dude aren't almost the same. How come she's doing this and he's out hunting for blubber? This is -- no, it's just the way it is.
SPITZER: You've got a view on everything in the world. You read this book and there's nothing you don't have an opinion about. I mean, you want people to vote based on how much they pay in taxes.
SPITZER: So Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get to choose the next president.
CAROLLA: Yes. Well, I have an idea -- I, in the book, say for every 10 grand you pay in you get one vote, because right now my mom's vote is canceling out Warren Buffett's vote.
PARKER: Is that right?
SPITZER: Your mom may be listening to this.
CAROLLA: She can't afford cable.
SPITZER: Another thing you love to say is "greed is good."
CAROLLA: Yeah, I think so. It motivates people. I know, you know, this sort of thing where it's like big pharmaceuticals always -- they're the man and they're nasty, bit it motivates them to come up with cures.
SPITZER: When you saw Gordon Gekko say that in "Wall Street" you know, that famous moment when he's up there, "greed is good" you said, that's it, that's great.
CAROLLA: Well, I mean, obviously there's limits, as we've seen, things can spin out of control but you want society and you want companies motivated. I mean you want someone to go, look, you cure AIDS and we'll give you a pat on the back or you cure AIDS, we'll give you billion, you get AIDS cure a lot faster.
PARKER: Apparently your mother is a good short because you talk about her a little bit. You said that you grew up on welfare and that welfare is "monetary methadone."
PARKER: So what do you wish would have happened instead?
CAROLLA: Well, I wish -- well, actually -- I mean...
PARKER: You wish you had been adopted.
CAROLLA: The thing is, is if you give somebody just enough to get by sort of in perpetuity then they will just sort of sink to that level. I saw all the wind taken out of my mom's sail. I saw all the fire taken out of her belly, you know? It's like you need to be a little bit hungry. You need to be a little cold when it's cold outside or a little too hot. I said, this is horrible. It's embarrassing. I don't want to live this way and it motivated me and I think when you just give people just enough it sort of just makes them all docile.
SPITZER: All right.
PARKER: All right, Adam Carolla, thank you so much for being with us. He's also got a podcast on iTunes and we will be right back.