I Write Letters

Dear Hollywood Filmmakers:

I am politely but firmly requesting a 20-year embargo on the use of any scenes of a pregnant woman's water breaking in a film and/or television show.

Should you fail to accommodate this appeal, and decide to include comedic scenes of a very pregnant woman—wearing, naturally, a skirt—splashing a gush of perfectly clear liquid onto her high heels, thus precipitating a mad rush to the hospital with an unlikely bystander set to Motown music, please be forewarned that this may result in the delivery of a bag of stinky dog poop to your front step.

After the 20-year embargo can be lifted, I would advise you to remember that only around 10% of pregnant women experience a rupture the amniotic sac as a precursor to labor—and an even smaller percentage have that experience in public. Rarely is this a hilarious experience.

Have a nice day!


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