We Are All Great Men!

Greetings, Gentles and Roustabouts! I interrupt my morning perusal of health tracts and e-broadsides to report a bold new discovery: an astounding little analytical engine that can match a man with his twin in compositional ingenuity!

Using only a fragment of a treatise or letter, this thinking machine can report which Great Writer is most nearly one's equal. Merely submit a scrap of prose and depress the "Analyze" button! As I assiduously copied in my latest e-missive, I supposed the engine would recognize in my words something of Tobias Smollett—The Expedition of Humphry Clinker is a rollicking good read—or even that rascal Dickens, who had a talent for exposing the trials of well-born Gentlemen at the hands of the sniveling proletariat. But enough dilatory dallying! The verdict:

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

My clarion exhortation "Hosiery Is No Laughing Matter" produced from this ingenious engine the same result.

I have no idea who this David Foster Wallace is, but I trust he is a Great Man with a fine intellect, and an interrogation of my Google device reveals that he has written a great many words indeed. I managed to secure a small sample of Wallace's writing through my usual patience and cunning.

As I am both mischievous and empirical, I inscribed in the analytical engine's input box a section from David Foster Wallace's story collection The Girl With Curious Hair. The result?

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I am as unfamiliar with this King as I am with Wallace, but my faithful yeoman Bruce assures me that he has written some of the most numerous words of our time!

Surely, we three are Brothers in Ink.

[Previous Grumblings: Benjamin H. Grumbles, Progress: Dagnabbit!, A Day in the Life of Benjamin H. Grumbles, What in the Sam Hill Are You Rascals Thinking?, Friday Cat Blogging, Damnable Milkshakery, Grumbles' Gashouse, Dash It All, McCain Is Off His Trolley, I Say, Somebody Bet on the Bob-Tailed Nag, Grumbles Writes Letters, Hosiery Is No Laughing Matter, Fear Not, Shakesvillians!, Bunsen's Balderdash!, Taint a Good Man, A Hearty Yawp of Well Wishes, The Grandest Male Organ, Bully for Science!, A Grumbles Extolment!, Truly, This is a Shoe That Does Not Fit!]

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