Okay. So I decided to pitch an idea to Mr. C. Hanks' agent to help get him out of this rut that he's stuck in. My plan is for Mr. C. Hanks to star in remakes of all of Mr. T. Hanks' classic films from the 80s and 90s, and they should all be shot-for-shot remakes directed by Gus Vans Ant, Esq.
I would first like to see a remake of Splash, with teen sensation Miley Sinus in the title role as the beautiful mermaid named Splash. "Hey, ya'll, my name's Splash! Don't put water on me!" It's gonna be great.
I also recommend putting immediately into production the Holy Trinity of Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks romantic comedies—Joe Versus the Volcano, Sleepless in Cincinnati, and You've Got the E-Mail—starring Mr. C. Hanks and my generation's Meg Ryan, Justin Beeper.
Think of the possibilities! Castaway with Kevin James as Wilson, who will get a full CGI makeover in this version. The remake of Gorrest Fump could see Mr. T. Hanks reprise the role made famous by Haley Joel Osment, Gorrest Fump, Jr., in full Benjamin Buttons make-up. A return to A League of Those Ladies' Own, the seminal favorite of lady-baseball, which reminds us of the important message, "There's no cryogenic baseball!"
In sumnation, this is an excellent idea, and Colin Hanks should do it immediately. The End.
[Thanks to Liss for the help on this one!]