Singing voiceover (over images of a man throughout his life, starting with sperm fertilizing an egg, a crying baby, elementary school class picture, playing high school football, getting married, etc.): Get born, get slapped, now get to school / Get good at sports, always look cool / Get [?], get strong, know how to fight / Stay out late, but be polite / Find a nice girl who'll say "I do" / Then have three kids who'll look just like you / [?] the leaves from the hedge and mow the yard / "Honey, can you open this jar?" / If you hear a noise in the middle of the night, check it out with a flashlight! / You've reached the stage where you feel at ease / You've come this far and it wasn't a breeze / You can take on anything; of course you can! / Because...you're a MAN!And Shaker TheFatLadySings mentioned this one from Dodge (voiced over by Michael C. Hall—sob!) in comments:
Spoken voiceover (over image of man looking self-satisfied, then in shower, then images of product): Now that you're comfortable with who you are, isn't it time for comfortable skin? At last there's Dove for Men. Introducing Dove Men + Care. A new range body and face wash. Be comfortable in your own skin.
Voiceover (over images of various men looking utterly morose and defeated): I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30am. I will eat some fruit as part of my breakfast. I will shave. I will clean the sink after I shave. I will be at work by 8am. I will sit through two-hour meetings. I will say yes when you want me to say yes. I will be quiet when you don't want to hear me say no. I will take your call. I will listen to your opinion of my friends. I will listen to your friends' opinions of my friends. I will be civil to your mother. I will put the seat down. I will separate the recycling. I will carry your lip balm. I will watch your vampire TV shows with you. I will take my socks off before getting into bed. I will put my underwear in the basket. And because I do this [cut to image of black Dodge Charger speeding on the open road], I will drive the car I WANT TO DRIVE. Charger: MAN'S LAST STAND. [The words appear onscreen in all caps. More images of car, set to Bond-like music.]The thing I love most about this second one is that the entire narrative is submission to nagging women, with "I will be at work by 8am. I will sit through two-hour meetings." stuck in the middle. Um. Okay. Right. Because women totes structured and run corporate America. Blink.
The few others I've seen, including the talking eTrade baby sexualized and having an affair on his baby girlfriend with a "milkaholic" baby whore (?!), have been dreadful. A lot of terribly sexist swill. We are deep into the backlash, Shakers.