America has spoken clearly, consistently—we don't want [government-paid healthcare]. And for the first time in history, we don't think it's the government's place to give it to us. We're kind of reading this [holds up unidentified piece of paper] from time to time now. We are—excuse this analogy, but I feel like it's true—we're the young girl saying [puts on scared voice and crying face] "No, no—help me!" [back to regular voice] and the government is Roman Polanski. In the end, I think we're all gonna be cowering in France. [A few more moments of babbling about "unfunded liabilities" before the video cuts out.]Universal healthcare = rape. Awesome.
[H/T to a whole bunch of Shakers, and thanks to each and every one of you.]