Vulva Design

Via Rachel, Kat Coble's got a terrific primer on the proper names of various parts of the typical cis female genito-urinary anatomy.

No, that's not a vagina; it's a vulva. Etc.

Good bookmarking material.

It also reminded me of a story about not knowing the names of these particular bits...

Years ago, I worked for a restaurant designer I'll call Herman, an absurd little fellow in his 60s with white hair and a white beard, who dressed like a classic absent-minded professor archetype, right down to the wire-rimmed glasses he'd clean by licking them and wiping them on his shirttail. I was officially Herman's marketing, branding, and concept development manager, and unofficially his minder, wrangler, editor, thesaurus, and dumping ground for all the shit he didn't feel like doing.

Once Herman was asked by an epicurean club to give a presentation on modern restaurant interiors and the relationship between design and cuisine. Which meant in practical terms that I was asked to put together a presentation on modern restaurant interiors and the relationship between design and cuisine. Herman threw a bunch of random pictures on my desk and told me to "put them in PowerPoint or something."

On the day of the presentation, he and I traveled to a local, very upscale restaurant (one which he'd designed), where we were invited to have lunch with the club before Herman would speak. During lunch, he was going over the presentation in his head; between having bits of conversation with people stopping by the table, he'd lean over to me and say, "Remind me the cost per square foot of the interior at that place in Vegas," or "I should have included that restaurant from the Upper East Side you suggested."

One of the restaurants he wanted to talk about was the Cheesecake Factory in downtown Chicago, which looks like something out an Aesop's fable with its swooping, globby orange entry and dark interior filled with blooming columns and what look to be giant orange mushrooms everywhere. And at one point, he leaned over to me and said, "You know, my wife calls the interior at the Cheesecake Factory vulva design."

I nearly choked on my salad. "Oh, she does, does she?"

"Yeah. You think I should include that in the presentation?"

Then I really did choke on my salad. "No, Herman. Whatever you do, don't include that in the presentation."

"Okay."

He went back to eating his lunch and greeting the epicureans who wanted to meet him. A few minutes later, he leaned over once more.

"What's a vulva again?"

I looked at his gormless face and knew if I didn't tell him, there was a more than decent chance that "vulva design" would wind up in the presentation.

"It's the exterior portion of a woman's genitalia," I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right!" He blushed. I blushed. It was awkward. I didn't know what else to say.

"Your wife is a very lucky woman," I said sardonically. And we both laughed.