Shaker Sunday Brunch

Calling all Shakers -- Please join scott madin and me at Shakesville Sunday Brunch -- at this link:

Shakesville Brunch Chat on Skype

If you have any trouble getting in, skype message me at portlydyke and I'll help you get in.

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Dr. George Tiller has been murdered in Kansas…

Dr. George Tiller has been shot and murdered in Kansas.

Dr. Tiller was an out-spoken supporter of abortion rights and one of the few physicians who provided late-term abortion services in the country.

My thoughts are with his family, friends and colleagues.

"Women and Families are intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and ethically competent to struggle with complex health issues -- including abortion -- and come to decisions that are appropriate for themselves."
George R. Tiller, M.D., DABFP
Medical Director
Women's Health Care Services, P.A.

May he rest in peace…

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Read These Now as I Teeter Near The Precipice

I have not felt like compiling my links of this, that or the other because everything bores the fuck out of me. Sorta. I try to stay current and aware but toiling in the dirt cleanses me more than linking to some political malfeasance. I have been in a horrid mood and when such a mood occurs, I retreat. I toil, hoping that clarity will occur. Sometimes it does. More than oft, I am left with dirty fingernails. In an imaginary land, I would navigate a winding path along a precipice in these Givenchy cowboy boots and unicorns would fly out of my gay ass. Since the boots are out of my budget at the moment, I will have to journey near the precipice with leopard mules and Indian wedding slippers. Poor me.

Let's see if I fall.

Since Twitter is the most important conduit of ALL INFORMATION, Texas Gov. Rick Perry wants you to know about "killer tacos." The always aware, Gov. Sarah Palin tweets about her Iraq visit. When I have my next bowel movement, I might update my Twitter feed. I would update it with that important information but it won't connect. What ever will I do? Meh...

Since Gov. Perry mentioned tacos, the food of choice for this evening at Casa Petulant, I pause.

Ya know what bores me more than Twitter, headlines like this: American Idol runner up Adam Lambert 'to address sexuality rumours.' That's a hard one. Is my heterosexual glam-rock singer illusion shattered? Say it ain't so! My simple ears require more wholesome, guitar-oriented sentimental pop. What ever will I do?

OH! That bores me too. I am lovin' Aranis these days. This is what I miss. Here I go with the endless links to YouTube videos instead of important news. What ever will I do? Hmm... I'll link to wherever my fetching shoes take me. The precipice is wider than I thought.

Do I dare link to one of those "British" newspapers? Even though they all report the same news about Sri Lanka. Thankfully, the Washington Post covers it, quoting BRITISH sources. I was worried there for a second. The Washington Post keeps my American media dreams alive. Newsmax, here I come.

I have to pause for a second. The endless pause. Myléne is on the other monitor. I was playing her Live at Bercy 2006 concert and it is near the finale where she sings, Fuck Them All, with the delicious dance troop, Los Vivancos. Once I finish listening to my anthem and patting my brow with a hankie, I will resume.

Speaking of Myléne, she offers a Sextonik dildo. Love her.

Theorists reveal path to true muonium. If anyone says anything about "exotic states of matter," I am so there. I may be a simple lad with a few bits and pieces that might converge for a semblance of matter, but you creatures of a scientific bent astound me. We so need more of you.

Prepare for the climate change deniers to latch to Pisaster ochraceus. The STARFISH are okay. Uhh-huh.

The poor whales.

And I feel even worse for the "Space Monkeys."

I teeter very close to the precipice now and bid adieu. Fare thee well, kittens.


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The Defenders

A video made by a friend of someone I went to high school with (thank you Facebook! LOL):

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Enjoy Feeling Uncomfortable?

That's the question Deron Bauman asks about the feeling created by this video, which I saw on ClusterFlock.

I'm still looking for evidence that this is satire. Has to be, right? Lyrics after the fold, but I just had to highlight a few.

A mildly amusing moment: A young white man who attends Dartmouth raps, "It's not the hand you were given, but how you lay down your cards."

WTF moment 1: Rapping, "Don't matter if your (sic) gay, straight, Christian or Muslim," after having said, "Thank you Miss Cali for reminding us of marriage," and after issuing the warning that "Terrorists were imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay, Now they're in our neighborhoods, planning out doomsday."

WTF moment 2: Rapping, "Everyone can succeed, Because our soldiers bleed"

Just a little musical interlude for your Saturday afternoon.

H/T Laurie, whom you should really, really follow on Twitter

Serious C:

“Yo this ones for all the young conservatives.

I rep the Northeast and I’m still a young con,

Let your voice release, you don't have to be obamatrons.

I debate any poser who don't shoot straight,

Government spending needs to deflate,

Your ideas are lightweight,

Ya careers in checkmate

I frustrate. I increase the pulse rate

I hate when,

government dictatin, makin, statements, bout how to be a merchant,

How to run a restaurant, how to lay the pavement

Bailout a business, but can't protect an infant

Deficiencies are blatant, young con treatment

I stand one man, outnumbered at my college

Thank you Miss Cali for reminding us of marriage

Can't support abortion, and call yourself a Christian

I support life, you're a puzzled politician

Terrorists were imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay,

Now they're in our neighborhoods, planning out doomsday

No such thing as utopia,

no government can control ya, baby ya,

Reap the benefits hard work, self reliant

Listen to Stiltz, my dude’s a lyrical giant

Yo Stiltz... make it two time... please”


“I'm 6'9 head and shoulder above the rest

Liberals playin checkers, I'm playin chess

My conservative view is drill baby drill

You can say you hate me but

I'm praying for you still

My dislike for thee most def is not hyperbole

Taxes are the subject and I will spit them verbally

I'm just livin life a conservative philosophy

Sorry Hilary not a right wing conspiracy

We need more women with intellectual integrity

I'm talkin Megyn Kelly not Nancy Pelosi

My main motto is you best work hard

It's not the hand you were given, but how you lay down your cards

I don't speak lies but I spit the facts

28% the new capital gains tax

Porkulus bill lacks a few stats

The more money we spend, the more mine is worth Jack

The Bible says we're a people under God,

Usin radar for radical Jihad

AIG was hooked up by Chris Dodd

A classy gift ain't an Ipod

The standards of my crew ain’t republicans dude

I'm reppin Jesus Christ and conservative views

Study history and true conservative moves

Every single time they refuse to lose

I’m starting to see a modern day Jimmy Carter

When really nothin but a Reagan era starter”

Serious C:

“Yo, We americans son

Hit ya with some knowledge

The movement has begun

Everyone can succeed

Because our soldiers bleed, for us

I said it in the verse,

now I'll say it in the chorus”


“We young conservatives son

Hard work is our motto

The movement has begun

EVERYONE can succeed cause our soldiers bleed, daily

My views are rock solid, no chance you can break me”

Serious C:

“Phase me, make me, into something that ain’t me

Serious c... can’t nobody shake me

great like the Gatsby, poppin posers like acne

Don't matter if your gay, straight, Christian or Muslim

There's one thing we all hate, called socialism.

It's loathsome, and America ain’t the outcome,

Raise taxes on the people,

And you’re gonna feel symptoms, problems

I gotta message for a young con:

superman that socialism,

waterboard that terrorism”


I fulfill the role that's inherently mine

Teaching politics through my rap and my rhyme

I'm signing off this track with a question in mind

How will this country get its precious change in time?

Three things taught me conservative love:

Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged

Saving our nation from inflation devastation

On my hands and my knees praying for salvation”

Serious C:

“Yo, We americans son

Hit ya with some knowledge

The movement has begun

Everyone can succeed

Because our soldiers bleed, for us

I said it in the verse,

now I'll say it in the chorus”


“We young conservatives son

Hard work is our motto

The movement has begun

EVERYONE can succeed cause our soldiers bleed, daily

My views are rock solid, no chance you can break me”

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Saturday Open Thread

What's happening, kittens?


Surprisingly, I am not hungover today after a night on the town. I escaped my "please don't let it flood again" prison and went to dinner and a hip-hop club with a dear friend I have known for two decades. Wow! Two decades! We had a nice dinner at the Flying Frog (Beware, music plays at that link), went to the drumming circle held every Friday night in Pritchard Park, had coffee with Amaretto at a sidewalk cafe, and then ventured to listen to another friend spin the vinyl. My knowledge of hip-hop is sorely lacking. The most I will listen to is Missy Elliot or Public Enemy. My friend spun a song I had never heard before with the beautiful lyrics: "She cook she clean never smell like onion rings." Be still my poetry-laden heart.

Today, I am in the garden. I weed. I plant. It goes on and on... I installed another rain barrel for a total of three. Rain barrels are fantabulous. I situated the new one so I can hook-up a hose and let it drain into the veggie garden. It ain't pretty, but it works like a charm. The heat and sun were unbearable so I ventured indoors for a few.

So, what is pertinent with you kittens? Does the world still spiral out of control?

The scan above is from the Petulant Collection of Youthful Fun. The world needs more blush.

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Quote of The Day

Let's hope that the key conferences aren't when she's menstruating or something, or just before she's going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then.G. Gordon Liddy, on his radio show, analyzes jurisprudence regarding the SCOTUS nominee Sonia Sotomayor.

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Saturday Morning Cartoonery: Bully for Bugs

Bully for Bugs (1952). Story by Michael Maltese; directed by Charles M. Jones.

I knew I shoulda taken that left toyn at Albaquoyque!

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The Virtual Pub Is Open

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Virtual Flowers For Tater

Here are some virtual flower photos I took today for Liss in recognition of all her hard, grueling work here at Shakesville. It's a full-time job.

She has built a community of acceptance and I appreciate everything she does on a daily basis. These flowers are for Liss and I hope she has a quiet weekend snuggled with kittens and Iain too. : )




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Torchwood: Children of Earth Trailer

With my bad mood over the last week, this makes my gay ass happy. An extended two minute trailer for Torchwood: Children of Earth (that link is for US audiences) is airing. YAY!

I cannot wait for July.

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Daily Kitteh

Mood: No.

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Darn Women, Getting Themselves Raped and Making Life Difficult for the Menz

by Shaker roramich, who lives with her partner Shaker JMonkey in Oregon, where she reads and occasionally guest posts for Shakesville in the hope of MORE for their 5-year-old daughter.

[Trigger warning for text, but no triggering images.]

Early this morning I was greeted with this headline at the Boston Globe homepage where the top headline was "FBI investigating alleged misconduct at T Academy" (where apparently the Boston Transportation authority trains cadets). The link has since been moved lower on the page, but when I saw it, the article was the top, front and center story.

Of course, any misconduct, of any kind, at a training facility that will send graduates out to interact with the public while carrying loaded weapons is inherently problematic. But what was much more troubling than the headline was the one line of the story underneath which indicated that the investigation regards whether superior officers (apparently male but not labeled as such in the "teaser") coerced female cadets "into having sex." Uhm, NO. Any use of coercion means they were NOT having sex!!!

The full story continues the fiction that it wasn't really alleged rape with the even weirder headline at the page that includes the full article, reading "Female cadets allegedly forced into having sex." Again, as Shakers well know, and the Globe certainly OUGHT TO KNOW, forcing someone into sexual intercourse is rape, even if the actual events are still alleged at this point in the investigation. The rest of the article includes the details that it was male superior officers allegedly doing the forcing of female cadets, possibly extending as far back as 2002. The douchebag head of the officer's union trots out the tired canard that the investigation will hurt the officers' abilities to do their jobs, saying: "The members who I represent perform their duties professionally, and to the extent that their academy is being viewed as inappropriate, it is going to hurt all of their abilities to perform their jobs." Right, dudebro—having the academy the subject of negative scrutiny is the problem, not alleged rape of cadets. Thanks for showing me your extensive (and stinky) privilege.

And just to cap it off, the authors of the article close with this valuable information: "Graduates of the academy contacted by the Globe expressed disbelief that sexual misconduct would have happened."

"I don't think that occurred within my class," said a former female cadet who asked not to be named because she is working for a police department."
Gee, thanks for such a stellar job reporting; how many graduates did you talk to? 1? 5? 10? How many women have graduated from the academy since 2002? Am I supposed to believe that you talked to them all? Plus, thanks for yet more (stinky) privilege; just because three reporters could locate ONE woman who didn't believe it happened is supposed to be convincing evidence that nothing ever happened? Maude help us.

Finally, just to make us all feel so much better, in "completely unrelated news," the Globe also reports (separate article) that 200 patrol officers will soon be outfitted with M16 assault rifles "to counter terrorist threats" according to department officials. Right, let's for sure deal with terrorist threats on the streets of Boston, rather than home-grown terrorists working in their own training academy.

If you'd like to use your teaspoon to politely request that the Globe call alleged rape what it is, instead of disappearing the experience with the phrases "coerced into having sex" and "forced to have sex," you can write the authors of the article here: Shelley Murphy can be reached at, and Noah Bierman can be reached at (contact information for the third author was not given). For general comments about Boston Globe news content only, e-mail Or, this link takes you to a comment page (for which I don't know if you need to register or not to use).

(And thanks to Melissa for letting me guest again! I wish it were about OMG horses again, but you can't have everything!)

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Action Alert Against Disablism

USA, Canada and the EU attempt to kill treaty to protect blind people's access to written material:

Right now, in Geneva, at the UN's World Intellectual Property Organization, history is being made. For the first time in WIPO history, the body that creates the world's copyright treaties is attempting to write a copyright treaty dedicated to protecting the interests of copyright users, not just copyright owners.

At issue is a treaty to protect the rights of blind people and people with other disabilities that affect reading (people with dyslexia, people who are paralyzed or lack arms or hands for turning pages), introduced by Brazil, Ecuador and Paraguay. This should be a slam dunk: who wouldn't want a harmonized system of copyright exceptions that ensure that it's possible for disabled people to get access to the written word?

The USA, that's who. The Obama administration's negotiators have joined with a rogue's gallery of rich country trade representatives to oppose protection for blind people. Other nations and regions opposing the rights of blind people include Canada and the EU [as well as Australia, New Zealand, the Vatican, and Norway].
Cory's got more at the link.

Contact your Senators here. Contact your representative here and urge them to pressure the White House to reverse its position.

[H/T to Shaker Anna.]

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Movies You CAN Netflix

I keep meaning to blog this, and then forgetting. For any Shakers out there who love Motown, run, do not walk, to add this to your netflix line-up:

Standing in the Shadows of Motown

It's a documentary about the Funk Brothers -- the virtually anonymous backup musicians that provided the genius of the Motown sound for 13 years.

If you haven't seen it yet, get it.

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(Not-so) Random YouTubery: Space Cowband Rides Again!

This footage was from another recent open jam session at the same location as the last one. The big difference was that one more cymbal was added to the drum kit, so I was really cooking with gas at that point.

This particular tune was nicked from a practice from a few months ago. It's basically something the guitarist came up with and we just improvise a bit off of it.


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Life Wisdom

From my almost five year old:

"Everything is awesome when you're wearing an adventure hat."


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In His Ongoing Quest to Get Shitcanned…

…RNC Chair Michael Steele says that Republicans need to stop "slammin' and rammin'" on Sotomayor, acknowledge the "historic aspect" of her nomination, and make a "cogent, articulate argument" against her.

Good luck with all that.

Lest you think that Steele was actually motivated by principle, he justified his admonishment by noting that the "liberal media" isn't on Republicans' side, so they'll "get painted as a party that's against the first Hispanic woman" nominated to the Supreme Court. See, it's not problematic that they are against her on the basis that she's a Latina woman, but it is problematic when the media actually frames it that way.

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Friday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by my butt!

Yo, K-Bake: Is this a post about sports?

Bill Wolfrum is right on the money, for a change.

Andy reports that David Hyde Pierce got hitched—who's the lucky lady?!

Hey, Sarah.of.a.Lesser.God—I want to be at the center of your octagonal gaze.

My mouth is watering over Mannion's Bodacious Banana.

Good advice from Jeffrey Studges: Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole.

Recon and I share a love of plentiful pussy.

Finally, advertising that speaks to dudez like me and our best friend: BEER!

Leave your links in comments. Or don't. I won't read 'em, anyway.

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Action Alert for Aussie Shakers

Lauredhel: "If you're in Australia, we need your help! ... The government is proposing a national harmonisation of disabled parking schemes. Sounds great on the surface, doesn't it? But they're going to throw independent people with disabilities (PWD) who aren't wheelchair or scooter users to the wolves. People who can walk without physical assistance from another person, with or without a cane, no matter how restricted their walking distance, will no longer have access to accessible parking. Unless you intervene. Please, give your feedback to the government about this scheme, right now, and spread the word."

Head on over to Hoyden Headquarters for further details and contact info.

Non-Australian Shakers: Spread the word!

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Quote of the Day

"I love being crazy, you know? Crazy with a passion, crazy with a dream."Suzan Lakhan Baptiste, the "Crazy Turtle Woman," who turned a six-mile stretch of beach near her home in Matura, Trinidad from a deadly poaching ground into one of the largest leatherback sea turtle nesting colonies in the world.

Serious blub warnings when you click through to read this amazing story, which Iain sent to me with the sweet note: "This article is an inspiring story about the power of teaspoons. I thought you might need it after yesterday."


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Feel the Homomentum!

Openly gay teen Sergio Garcia has been elected prom queen at L.A.'s Fairfax High. What started out as a "stunt" by Garcia blossomed into a campus-wide "discussion about gender roles and popularity."

Days before the dance, Garcia told fellow students that he was "not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye."

He also promised that he would be wearing a suit on prom night, but "don't be fooled: Deep down, I am a queen."

And he made good of that promise Saturday, wearing a gray tuxedo topped off with the prized tiara.

Garcia, 18, said he saw fliers advertising the prom and the election but they didn't specify that the queen must be female. He thought the role would suit him better than prom king.

"I don't wish to be a girl," he told the Los Angeles Times. "I just wish to be myself."
The victory left Garcia feeling "invincible."

Feel the homomentum: It's wearing taffeta.

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Hysterical Bitch, Part II

[Part One here. I have the dreadful sinking feeling that this may be a series…]

Actual headline in the New York Times: Sotomayor's Sharp Tongue Raises Issue of Temperament.

Just for a moment, try to imagine that headline being written about a man. Flatly, it wouldn't be. "Sharp-tongued" is an adjective almost exclusively reserved for use to describe women, who have the impudence to communicate assertively or let naughty words come out of their delicate ladymouths.

(This is a subject I know a little bit about, ahem.)

"Sharp-tongued" women are also frequently referred to as "difficult," "nasty," "temperamental," "strident," and "caustic," all of which are used to describe Sotomayor in this article—along with reports that she is a "terror on the bench" who "behaves in an out-of-control manner," and, my personal favorite, that she can be "very judgmental." Shocking quality for a judge, no?

What I find most bitterly amusing about the Important Questions Being Raised regarding Sotomayor's temperament is that all it took for a big article in the Times were a few reports that she's feisty and headstrong. Meanwhile, John McCain—who was a presidential candidate, not a Supreme Court nominee—spent an entire career being a belligerent, reactionary, ill-tempered punk, and the media made only a half-hearted attempt to question if he had the temperament to run the country, and did so under casual headlines like McCain in battle to keep his cool (post with excerpt here) and Mishaps mark John McCain's record as naval aviator.

The double-standard is so blatant, I'm honestly amazed by anyone who has the brass audacity to try to deny it.

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The fact is that there was no violent distrust between blacks and whites in the 20th century. Rather there was a one-sided war waged against black people by white terrorists, which government, in the best cases, failed to prevent, in many cases, stood idly by, and in the worst cases actually aided and abetted. I'm sorry but comparing that to whatever's happening between blacks and Latinos, is a slander against both those groups, and an amazingly naive take on the history of white America in regards to race.
Go read this whole post by Ta-Nehisi, in which he takes down an article in Time that he quite politely calls "an unfortunate and deeply problematic article on Sotamayor's effect on the relationship between blacks and Latinos."

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Movies You Can't Netflix: Runaway Car

(In light of yesterday's total clusterfucktastrophe of a news day, I thought I'd post something a little more light-hearted. Runaway Car aired once, on Fox, the evening of January 21, 1997. It has not hit the airwaves since. This is my second favourite made-for-TV movie, right after Dead Ahead starring Stephanie Zimbalist.)

I'm not going to bother explaining the chain of events that led to three total strangers and an infant being trapped in a car together, because it really doesn't matter. All that matters is this car is on the highway, hurtling to its doom. The title sums up the plot quite succinctly. There isn't a whole lot more to the film than that.

The car is stuck in gear, pedal to the proverbial metal, zooming down the freeway at 80 miles per. At first the Highway Patrol assumes Jenny (Nina Siemaszko) is just a reckless scofflaw and quickly engages in a pursuit. But Ed (Judge Reinhold) suddenly remembers he has a mobile phone and dials 911, letting the cops in on their predicament.

So now the cops have to figure out a safe way to resolve the situation. That is, if the bureaucrats don't muck things up. Like the mayor of Springfield ("The City That Never Stops"). He's assembled a water barrier to keep the dangerous vehicle out of his town. It doesn't do much, except splash everywhere, but it does send a message to the passengers: the authorities are not interested in helping them.

And things aren't any better at the state line. The Governor has ordered the drawbridge raised, there is no way he's letting this two-ton speeding bullet into Seaport, not on his watch. I'm not sure that was his actual dialogue, but it's close enough. The passengers decide to take matters into their own hands, and send Dexter (Brian Hooks) out to disable the car's wiring under the hood. Not a great plan at 80 MPH, but better than drowning. I guess. That doesn't work. Like hitting the brakes didn't work, and how monkeying with the ignition didn't work either.

It's clear nothing is going to stop this car. Nothing except splashing into the bay or running out of gas, whichever comes first. The decision is made that the infant must be saved and an attempt is made to pass her out the window to a nearby cop car. Ed doesn't have the nerve to let go of the kid dangling inches above the asphalt and the plan is quickly scrapped.

Watching Judge Reinhold attempt to act distraught is almost as ridiculous as the fake baby he drapes out the window. (See left.)

However, they don't have a problem attaching the kid to a flimsy looking rope dangling from a news copter and chucking her out the sunroof. Of course, they probably should have checked to see if there were any overpasses on the horizon. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. Luckily, the baby doesn't go splat. That's one down, three to go, and all our passengers have to worry about is that drawbridge. Given, it's a pretty major obstacle and the Governor has no intention of backing down.

But when the officer escorting the runaway car disregards orders to break away, and reveals his intentions to stick with the pursuit to the end, the Governor has no choice. He's got to lower the bridge or risk killing a cop. The thing is, it'll take seven minutes to lower the bridge, but the cars will be there in six! Authorities will need to slam the bridge shut, but Willie Mae, the Sassy Black Woman™ who operates the bridge does not like this idea at all, and makes it perfectly clear. No one messes with her baby, not even the Governor!

(As an aside, I want to point out that the cantankerous draw-bridge operator is played by Ketty Lester, who sang the enormously popular hit song "Love Letters" in 1965.)

The bridge is lowered, just in the nick of time, and the runaway car sails quietly into the next state. Quietly? Yes! The car has finally run out of fuel and is coasting to safety. Oh, wait, no… What's that up ahead? A school bus! The marching band will be killed, unless Jenny does something drastic…

Oh, how I love this movie! It is unrepentantly silly. I was lucky enough to catch it on its premier airing on Fox back in 1997. So enamored of it I was that I emailed Fox and asked if they planned to air it again, so I could maybe videotape it. They were very kind in their response, but ignored my pleas to rebroadcast this gem. It took me nearly a decade to track down a DVD, and I had to import my copy from the UK. This film never fails to make me laugh whether it's Judge Reinhold's performance, or Ketty Lester's cameo, or the obviously fake baby or Springfield's tongue-in-cheek city motto. It's comedy gold, whether the filmmakers intended it or not. Though, I suspect they did.

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Random That Mitchell and Webb Look Clip


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I Get Fan Mail

(No Subject)‏
From: [redacted]
Sent: Thu 5/28/09 6:50 PM

Go fuck yourself liberal,us white men built the world,and are roundly treated like shit.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. *zips by on lollerskates with trombone*

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to go fuck myself liberal with a Shaxco brand Puritan Buttplug.


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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

What's My Line?

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Emergency Dose of Zooborns

Even with Diane Keaton and the maximum Daily Kitteh cuteness, I still needed to head over to Zooborns to help mitigate this shitstorm of a day. I was not disappointed.

"This baby Bornean orangutan was born late in 2008 and was one of only two born in the United States that year." This and many more pictures of the adorable pair are up at Zooborns. Photo by D. Rogers at the Brookfield Zoo.

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Question of the Day

Melissa and I were just chatting on the phone about what a shitty day it's been, and she said (which would totally be the quote of the day, if it wasn't up already, fuck you, Gibbs), "I know. I can't believe I had to quote Tootsie to someone."

After I finished laughing my ass off, I was reminded of a fun QOTD from the past that we haven't done in a while: What movie (or tv show, play, etc) do you find yourself quoting all the time?

I sometimes embarrass myself with the sheer amount of quotes from "The Simpsons" and "Futurama" that pepper my daily conversation. I try to stop, but I can't!

Stupid sexy Flanders.

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There Are Good Things in the World

Like Diane Keaton, pictured here looking criminally adorable on the set of Morning Glory, a new J.J. Abrams-produced film with Harrison Ford (yay!), Rachel McAdams (yay!), Patrick Wilson (yay!), and Jeff Goldblum (yay!).

*jizzes in pants*

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Quote of the Day

"Let's just say if I wanted to read—if I wanted to read a write-up of how Manchester United fared in the Champion's League cup, I might open up a British newspaper. If I was looking for something that bordered on truthful news, I am not entirely sure [British papers] would be the first stack of clips I picked up."White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs earlier today, denying the veracity of the report in the Telegraph that there exist pictures of US soldiers, translators, and/or interrogators raping detainees.

You know what? Fuck you, Gibbs. And fuck you, Obama, for letting your spokesman get away with pulling the same "ooh, Europe, grody!" shit that the Bushies used to pull. It's disrespectful, it's insipid, it's evasive, and it's colossally hypocritical, given the state of the American media, who, last I checked, were key players in reporting bullshit to get us into the very war whence the detainee abuse comes.

And I see like all of your other "principled stances," restoring America's reputation in the world is also negotiable the moment it's useful to trash-talk another country to cover your own ass.

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Maude Save Us

Well, if there was any doubt (there wasn't) that Whataboutthemenz?!, Inc.—aka Men in Power—was little more than a misogyny club for angsty hipsters to lament being born in an age when men's birthright of undeserved privilege is questioned by uppity bitchez, the appearance of its founder, Steve Saltarelli, on MSNBC earlier today (recorded and uploaded for us by dear Mr. Petulant) pretty much stomps the fuck out of any lingering possibility something good might emerge from its existence.

[Transcript below.]

1. If he had been writing a genuinely satirical piece, that means he would have been supporting the formation of a "Men in Power" ironically and hence would have, in reality, never supported its actual formation, no less personally orchestrated it. More evidence that "hipster irony" is actually "mega bullshit."

2. No one's overlooking men's issues. And using prostate cancer underlines what a foolish claim that really is, given that prostate cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in the US. Meanwhile, breast cancer researchers and clinicians are still struggling how to best detect and diagnose breast cancer, though it claims as many lives (1 out of 35) as prostate cancer.

3. Really? Father's rights groups? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Wow. Aligning yourselves with father's rights groups is an awesome idea. Way to convince people you're not just the College MRA Brigade.

4. If women are still not making as much as men even after attaining, as a group, a greater number of higher degrees than men, why the fuck are you worried about the numbers of women getting degrees versus the number of men? Clearly, not having a degree isn't an impediment to men's success, so the assertion that women are going to RULE THE WORLD OH NOES! in the "coming future" is total horseshit.

5. How is "a discernible change in the workplace gender dynamics" a bad thing if you believe in gender parity, given that the workplace still currently strongly favors men? (See: pay disparity, maternity leave affecting tenure, lack of diversity in middle and upper management, etc.)

6. "Um, our group is absolutely not [laughs] against women at all. Um, we're merely advocating for men."—This is literally the exact same thing said by white supremacist groups and the jokers who put on "straight pride" parades. It's patent codswallop when they say it, and it's patent codswallop when you say it.

7. Grow up.

Female Anchor Whose Name I Don't Know: —men, including our own Barack Obama. You don't think we've noticed that?

Saltarelli: Um, the article, it was an article for our school paper, the Chicago Maroon, and it was satirical in tone. Um, the group itself only formed afterwards, when I started receiving emails from around campus that there was an actual interest in, in male advocacy in, and some of the issues that uniquely affect men on campus.

Anchor: So here you are, you write this satirical letter—and it's pretty entertaining, I have to say—and then you get response from guys saying, "Yeah, that's right; we need some representation." Do you really feel that there's something missing from your life, and maybe other guys like you, that need advocacy?

Saltarelli: Well, I think it's really easy to overlook a lot of issues that, um, that affect men, especially our age. Um, we have to deal with things like prostate cancer, testicular cancer, um, men age twenty to twenty-four have an instance of suicide seven times higher than, um, females of the same age. Um, in addition, there are a number of issues with, um, fathers' rights groups, uh, that we will also, uh, be looking into talking about.

Anchor: Let me ask you, see, those are obviously very serious issues, but do you think men are being underserved in that respect?

Saltarelli: I'm not sure we're being underserved, but I think, I think it's easy to overlook us, and I think it's easy to—

Anchor: How so?

Saltarelli: —to brush us—

Anchor: How is it easy to overlook?

Saltarelli: Um, well, I mean, if you look in the media, uh, prostate cancer, for instance, isn't covered nearly as, as aggressively as breast cancer is. Whereas, they affect people, um, in about equal numbers—

Anchor: But heart disease, for example, in men— But heart disease, for example, was once seen as a disease of men, when, in fact, it was affecting women in great numbers.

Saltarelli: Yeah, I mean, that may be the case, but, um, these issues are still pertinent.

Anchor: What about workforce issues and pay? You have women still making seventy cents to the dollar that men make.

Saltarelli: Right, I mean, if you look at the Fortune 500, 97% of the CEOs in the Fortune 500 are men. But we think that this represents, um, the structure that was in place in universities and in the types of degrees women were getting 30 years ago. And now if you look at it, you have 58% of graduating, uh, college seniors as female. And another 60% of graduate students are female.

Anchor: Let me ask you—

Saltarelli: So this is going to represent a discernible—

Anchor: What kind of—

Saltarelli: —a discernible change in the workplace gender dynamics in the coming future.

Anchor: What kind of response have you gotten? I read a couple of women on your campus believe this is misogynistic, and that, obviously, women needed advocacy groups because you have—and you still do—have a glass ceiling above the heads of so many women.

Saltarelli: Yeah. I mean, overwhelmingly our response has been positive. Um, our group is absolutely not [laughs] against women at all. Um, we're merely advocating for men. It's not a zero-sum thing. Um, if, if we cultivate men in leadership, it doesn't mean that there can't, that there has to be less women in leadership. Um.

Anchor: And how many members do you have?

Saltarelli: But overwhelmingly when I talk to people— How many numbers?

Anchor: How many members?

Saltarelli: Uh, about— How many members? We have, um, about 125 members right now.

Anchor: And has the school approved your application to form this group yet?

Saltarelli: They have not approved it yet. Um, it is pending; it was approved by the student advisory board, and the university has never gone against the ruling of the student advisory board.

Anchor: All right, well, we'll see what happens, uh, once it's—you're approved or not. Hopefully, we'll follow up with you, Steve. Thank you.

Saltarelli: Thank you very much.

Anchor: Sure! [looks like she wants to vom]

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Daily Kitteh

I went through and picked some of my favorite old pix of the girls today, for maximum cuteness on a rough day. Here are some classic snaps of catitude from Shakes Manor...




And one from the Wayback Machine: Sophs of Improbable Tininess

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I Know What You’re Thinking

"What the world really needs is a special barbecue book FOR THE LADIES," amiright?

Fortunately for all you wimminz who've been too intimidated by your grill-hogging menfolk to "take your place back at the fire," this blatant deficiency in the world of cookbook publishing has been remedied.

Enter She-Smoke—a book of barbecue recipes, advice, and stories from "smokin' women" by Seattle restaurateur Julie Reinhardt. You may not have been aware that women need to "stand up for our barbecue rights," but once you read a few pages of She-Smoke, you'll understand that the typical American woman suffers from "firephobia," believes that her "grill could blow up at any moment," feels "iffy with big hunks of raw meat," and thinks barbecue is "scary."

But aside from learning not to "fear the fire," what gender-specific barbecue knowledge, you might wonder, are women lacking? Well, for the most part, Reinhardt's book reads pretty much like any guide to backyard barbecue, with tips about how to light a fire, how (and how long) to cook various meats, and so forth. Leave out the constant, cutesy references to "kickass 'cue girls," "smokin' barbecue blazers," and "knife-wielding babes," and what you're left with is actually a pretty good, if basic, guide to barbecueing and grilling that would be appropriate for any novice, man or woman.

So why "She-Smoke"? Obviously, it's a marketing gimmick—reel the ladies in with the one barbecue book directed at them—so I'm inclined to ignore the fact that it dresses up finding yet another way to cook for men as "female empowerment." In any case, as someone who owns several barbecue books (and several dozen cookbooks) myself, I'm betting this tactic's going to backfire. When I look for a book on an unfamiliar subject, I don't pick up the one whose color or cover or title seems best marketed to my demographic. (Oooh, pink!) I buy whichever one seems the best. You know, kind of
like a man would.


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Rove Asks Vulcans to Represent

In his latest asshatious (that's my new word today) spew in today's WSJ, Turd Blossom seems to imply that all of the current justices on the Supreme Court are Vulcan:

There is a certain irony in a president who routinely praises America’s commitment to "the rule of law" but who picks Supreme Court nominees for their readiness to discard the rule of law whenever emotion moves them.
Be careful what you wish for, Turd. After all, the rule of law clearly states that torture is illegal in every circumstance, regardless of the "emotion" behind wanting to protect the country.

[Thanks to Liss for the graphic and see also: Penny for Your Thoughtfulness and Hysterical Bitch.]

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Just So My Head Doesn't Explode from Crapitude

I thought we all deserved something else to lighten our mood.

Because Sarah Haskins could not rock any harder.

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But What About the Menz?!

Given my previous four posts today, I am feeling even less inclined to be charitable about this shit than I would be normally, which on any given day would typically range from "profoundly contemptuous" to "overtly hostile," anyway.

Long story short: Some privileged white dudebro at the University of Chicago publishes a "satirical" column about forming a group called "Men in Power" to help men get ahead professionally, since "recent job losses hit men harder" (no, no, and no) and "women earn far more bachelor's and master's degrees than do men" (a pointless observation as long as women still need at least one degree more than their male counterparts to make as much money). Other privileged dudebros then clamored for "Men in Power" to be made real in response to the "satirical" column, the satire of which must obviously be questioned in light of the fact that its author decided to launch the "male advocacy group" in earnest.

There's an infinitesimal part of me that feels obliged to expend an enormous amount of energy explaining everything that's problematic with this idea, but the rest of me has better things to do than waste my time trying to boil down nearly five years of archives into one digestible post to educate members of a group for whom the campus' dozen or so feminist groups and gender-neutral student business groups weren't sufficient to pursue the goals of exploring gender and "help[ing] men get ahead professionally."

("Get ahead" of whom, one wonders? Why not "help men achieve professionally" or "succeed professionally" or anything that doesn't imply competition? Interesting, that.)

Suffice it to say, I hardly believe for a moment that a group calling itself "Men in Power" with an evidently serious belief that men need an advocacy group to achieve parity with women (!) is not "pursuing a sexist agenda." No one with a comprehensive understanding of contemporary gender disparities and a modicum of empathy for the marginalized could found and participate in a group called "Men in Power" with a straight face. Totally ignorant. Positively shameless.

[H/T to Shakers Angelos and Constant Comment.]

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Fierce Advocate, My Gay Ass

Ya know what I enjoy, my president making one-liners at the expense of equality.

At a fundraiser in California last night, where tables were $34,000 a pop [Correction]at $30,000 per couple for dinner, there were protesters outside the Beverly Hilton in regards to President Obama's new found silence about LGBT issues.

During his speech, President Obama retorted:

"One of them(the signs) said, 'Obama keep your promise.' I thought that's fair. I don't know which promise he was talking about."
Andy at Towleroad summed it up well:
Which promise? How about starting with the repeal of DOMA, the repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', a federal hate crimes law, and above all, the promise to be a "fierce advocate" for all the LGBT people who voted him into office?
I have been in a foul mood this week and not felt like posting. Then this occurs and my gay ass gets angry.

Yes, I know President Obama has a lot on 'his plate,' but if he can take the time to raise millions of dollars and tell jokes, perhaps he can take a few minutes out of his busy schedule to dictate to some staffer even a remote teensy bit of HOPE™ for all the gays and lesbians of this country. It would be some acknowledgment.

Silence followed by jokes chafes my gay ass.


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Hysterical Bitch

That may as well be the headline on this Chicago Tribune article about Sonia Sotomayor, though the actual headline is: "While at Yale, Sotomayor made a law firm apologize."

Bad enough on its own for the Oh Noes Castrating Harpy factor, but, once you read the details, combined with the story framing, which itself is just eighteen different shades of rage-inducing obnoxious, it's even worse:

The early White House story line on Sonia Sotomayor emphasizes her pragmatism and a cautious, measured approach to the law developed over a years-long climb from exceedingly modest circumstances to become the first Hispanic nominee to the Supreme Court.

But an incident in the fall of 1978 illustrates another side of Sotomayor. Then a daring and assertive Yale University law student, she took a stand against a white-shoe Washington law firm that could have jeopardized her career.

While interviewing for jobs during her final year of school, she accused the firm, then known as Shaw, Pittman, Potts & Trowbridge, of discriminating against her by asking questions about the qualifications of Puerto Ricans and other minorities.

Sotomayor's complaint caused a campus furor. A student-faculty panel found the complaint warranted and ordered Shaw Pittman to write her a letter of apology.
So, in fact, Sotomayor didn't "make a law firm apologize" at all, but a law firm was ordered by an independent panel to apologize to her for none-too-subtle racism during a job interview.

And I just love (where love = hate with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns) how reporting the firm's inappropriate (now criminal) behavior is proffered as contradictory evidence to her reputation as pragmatic and cautious, as if risk-taking isn't frequently the result of pragmatic and cautious deliberation.

No—of course when it's women, especially women of color, who take a risky stand against institutional discrimination, they are reckless "daring" and reactionary "assertive," and naturally haven't (pragmatically, cautiously) meditated on their decision before (pragmatically, cautiously) making charges against a potential employer, no less a powerful law firm.

We women, we're just so impulsive with our silly ladybrains.

What makes this article extra super-duper aggravating is that it's a painfully obvious sop to the "she's a racist" brigade, thinly veiled behind an "innocuous" report about Sotomayor being an alarmist hysteric ("bitch"), which itself is presented under a guise of honoring her feistiness. Barf.

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Shaker Gourmet: Spaghetti Carbonara

Speaking of mistressparklestoes, she gives us our recipe this week!

Spaghetti Carbonara


4 slices cooked bacon, crispy & crumbled (optional)
8 oz spaghetti, uncooked
small head of broccoli, cut into bite-size pieces (optional)
4 eggs or egg substitute
1/2 cup grated Parmesan
1 tbsp minced garlic
salt & pepper to taste


1. Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add spaghetti and begin cooking according to package directions.
2. Mix together eggs or egg substitute, Parmesan, garlic, and salt & pepper.
3. Add the broccoli to the boiling pasta during the last 3-5 minutes of cooking.
4. Reserve 1 cup of hot pasta water to use if your carbonara becomes too thick.
5. Drain broccoli & pasta.
6. Stir egg mixture vigorously into hot pasta mixture until the cheese is melted and the sauce has thickened. Add reserved pasta water gradually if the mixture seems too thick. (It probably will.)
7. Serve topped with bacon (optional) and eat while watching "Breaking Bad" (mandatory).
8. Pat tummy and wipe the cheese off your teeth.
If you'd like to participate in Shaker Gourmet, email me at: shakergourmet (at)

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Random YouTubery: The Muppet Show - Hamlet/Brush Up Your Shakespeare

Because I really need a laugh right now, and I figure I'm not the only one.

Chris Reeve fills in for Gonzo as Hamlet when Gonzo sprains his nose. From Episode 418

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Why Blame Your Victim When the Judge Will Do It for You?

[Trigger warning, and I am about to go back to fucking bed.]

Brian Gibbs, a "mild-manned" 63-year-old man, has been sentenced to four and a half years in prison after pushing his wife of 35 years down the stairs and stabbing her in the neck with scissors in a "moment of madness."

In delivering his sentence—the result of an apparent plea bargain; Gibbs "admitted wounding with intent," almost certainly avoiding a more serious sentence for attempted murder, which, in Britain, carries a sentence up to life in prison—the judge expressed enormous sympathy for poor Mr. Gibbs, whose wife had been cheating on him with his best friend.

Judge Peter Thornton told Gibbs: "This attack, however inexplicable in its ferocity, did have an explanation.

"Your anger and your jealousy at her infidelity and your fear of losing her no doubt caused acute stress for you and led you to committing this offence. You are normally a quiet, non-violent, hard-working family man. This is a sad case and you acted completely out of character."
Any bets on whether Mrs. Gibbs, who is a martial arts instructor, would have been afforded the same sympathy if it had been she who attacked an unfaithful husband with a deadly weapon…? I just love the smell of double standards in the morning.

(For any moronic MRAs reading along, my argument is not that women should be excused for violent attacks on men, but that men shouldn't be excused for violent attacks on women. I'm not interested in a race to the bottom, but raising the bar on expectations for us all.)

[H/T to Shaker Rumble Lizard.]

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Anti-Domestic Violence Fail

[Trigger warning.]

From the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence comes this truly failful pair of posters intended to raise men's awareness about and discourage domestic violence.

Images are below: On the left, is an image of a punching bag wearing a green dress. On the right, is an image of a side of beef wearing a black top and jeans skirt. Below each image is the text: "It's not acceptable to treat a woman like one. Most men agree, but few speak out. Please, be heard. A man's voice is an effective way to change demeaning societal attitudes towards women."

[Click images to embiggen.]

Okay, so, the concept of encouraging men to be part of the solution is great (and an idea I heartily support). But the imagery here is deeply problematic.

One of the things any advocate for survivors of domestic and/or sexual violence knows is that putting a face on abuse is an important part of awareness-raising. Here, we get precisely the opposite—and the victims of domestic violence are not only faceless, but totally dehumanized, recast as, respectively, a punching bag in a dress and a piece of meat in a dress. Worse yet, they are disembodied, legless, limbless torsos, suggestive of violence against women. Good grief.

The images are then immediately followed by the confusing line: "It's not acceptable to treat a woman like one." I had the same reaction as Copyranter (who gets the hat tip): "What a clunky headline: 'It's not acceptable to treat a woman like one.' Like what? A woman?" Fail.

Maybe for their next campaign, the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence should make sure there's at least one woman on the creative team.

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Detainee Abuse: New Details Reported

[Strong trigger warning.]

My heart went into my throat as I read the headline in the Telegraph this morning: "Abu Ghraib abuse photos 'show rape': Photographs of alleged prisoner abuse which Barack Obama is attempting to censor include images of apparent rape and sexual abuse, it has emerged."

Oh god. Oh god.

The images, according to the story, show one male American soldier raping a female prisoner, a male American translator raping a male prisoner, someone else forcibly removing a female prisoner's clothes to expose her naked breasts, and other sexual assaults being committed on prisoners "with objects including a truncheon, wire, and a phosphorescent tube."

Oh god. Oh god.

Detail of the content emerged from Major General Antonio Taguba, the former army officer who conducted an inquiry into the Abu Ghraib jail in Iraq [who supports Obama's decision to withhold the photos on the basis their release would "imperil our troops"].

…"The mere description of these pictures is horrendous enough, take my word for it."
How the descriptions will not, as President Obama asserted, "inflame anti-American public opinion and to put our troops in greater danger," but the photographs will is beyond me. I am sick to my stomach at the descriptions, totally repulsed, heart-achingly sad, utterly humiliated and regretful and ashamed that my country does such things.
It was thought the images were similar to those leaked five years ago, which showed naked and bloody prisoners being intimidated by dogs, dragged around on a leash, piled into a human pyramid and hooded and attached to wires.

Mr Obama seemed to reinforce that view by adding: "I want to emphasise that these photos that were requested in this case are not particularly sensational, especially when compared to the painful images that we remember from Abu Ghraib."
Sickened. I am sickened.

When the original images were released, I was angry (and still am) that they were not rightly identified by most news outlets, no less our government, as evidence of widespread sexual assault. Now, here we have graphic evidence of penetrative rape, and our president says the images are "not particularly sensational," especially when compared to previously released images.

Unfortunately, I strongly suspect that is not indicative of our president and his advisors having recognized the nature of profound sexual exploitation in the original photos, but of what was a disgusting attempt to diminish the gravity of what is found in the unreleased photos, in order to justify their continued embargo.

When I finished reading the article, I could do nothing but quietly sob, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" into my hands, apologizing to people who will never hear me, crushed with the unbearable pain of knowing precisely what they've suffered and that it was done in my name, ostensibly to protect me, when I would have risked dying at their hands myself to save them from being raped.

Rarely does the world feel more fucked up to me than it does right now.

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Follow My Voice

Over the weekend Mlle Sparkletoes (my BFF and compagnon de chambre at Château Deeky) secreted me away to Chicago for 48 hours of hijinx and frivolity.

It was a heck of a nice surprise especially since I got to hang out with some of my favourite people in the multiverse, including Liss and Iain and the infamous Toddles. (Spudsy stood us up, which makes him an asshole, but wevs. He's yet to open my Xmas gift too (Hello, it's nearly June!), which makes him doubly an asshole.) The trip was extra, extra saucy special because OMFG!, I got to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch!! Live!!! On stage!!!!

Seriously, there aren't enough exclamation marks in the universe to express how brilliant the show was. And if there were, I'd need twice that many to say how brilliant Mlle Sparkletoes is for getting me there.

Anyway, I'm writing this not to tell you how awesome my weekend was (because when you're Deeky, every weekend is awesome) and how awesome, totally awesome, my friends are (all of which is absolutely true), but to let you know that the run of Hedwig at American Theater Company has been extended through June 13th. There is still time to see it.

Go, now, buy some tickets.

And because I love you all and want to show you my gratitude, I'll even get you a discount. Just, use the code "WOM" (that's shorthand for "word of mouth") when purchasing your tickets through the box office at (773) 409-4125 or online here and receive 10% off the ticket price.

The show really was amazing, well worth the 7 hour drive to get there, and any words to describe it just can't do it justice. Thanks Sparkletoes, thanks Liss, thanks Iain.

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime


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Question of the Day

What childhood toy, game, collectible, or fad did you totally not "get"? This can be a classic and timeless childhood pastime (like collecting baseball cards or hopscotch) or a flash-in-the-panner (like pet rocks or Furbies).

When I was a kid, everyone I knew was amassing Cabbage Patch Kids as though they were building a personal doll army and/or desperately wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid so badly they couldn't speak about anything else. I always thought they were dreadfully ugly and was horrified at the clips on the evening news of parents fighting over them in stores, which made me want no part of owning one.

I was, however, a great fan of Garbage Pail Kids.

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Child Rape: Hilarious!

[Trigger warning].

At least, that's the message of most coverage of the Mary Kay LeTourneau-hosted "Hot for Teacher" night, which happened at a nightclub here in Seattle last week. (Letourneau was convicted in 1997 for raping her former student, Vili Fualaau, when he was 12 and she was 34. They were married in 2005 and have two daughters together).

"It sounds too crazy to be true--but it is!" Extra crowed, adding coyly, "minors were not allowed." TMZ called the event Letourneau's "Naughty teacher feature." People suggested Seattle-area readers attend the event, hosted by "that head of the class blast from the past." And FOX news noted that LeTourneau became "famous" in the 1990s for "having an affair with a sixth grader."

Um... the fuck? It's one thing to condone creepy schoolgirl fantasies (see: the poster for this very event, linked here, plus every fetish night in the world); it's quite another to hold a party for a convicted child rapist who began grooming her victim when he was in the second grade. Would a nightclub have hosted a similar party for this guy, who raped three boys, between 6 and 10? Or this guy, 25, who raped a 12-year-old girl? Or this guy, 24, who raped a 10-year-old girl? Or the first two guys in this post--self-defense instructors who raped their female teenage students?

Of course not. And we shouldn't give Letournau a pass just because she's a sweet-looking white lady and her now-husband says he gave his consent. Victimization is victimization, even when it comes in a female (and thus non-"threatening") package.

Also, as Sable Verity notes: A rapist can marry her victim, and gay couples are seen as the "threat" to marriage?

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Daily Kitteh

Olivia watches telly while kneading the back of the sofa, then gives me a look for taking her picture before returning to her endless kneading. I'm pretty sure she's trying to turn the sofa into the biggest loaf evah of Pathetic Anger Bread.

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Multiculturalism Is Hard on Conservative White Men

It makes them have to engage their precious brains for .03 milliseconds when pronouncing ethnic names of national figures—and soon all those .03 milliseconds will add up to one second, and that one second will add up to twelve seconds a year, and we can't be wasting precious white male brains for twelve seconds a year when they need to be focused on important things like discussing their favorite scene in Superbad.

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A telephonic two-fer today…

First up: T-Mobile, who evidently believe they only have straight male customers who think with their dicks. In what way could this advert possibly appeal to a feminist woman? Oh, right—it can't. And since they don't want my business, I'm happy not to give it to them.

Voiceover: [with images of people talking on their cell phones] Eight out of ten Americans unknowingly pay too much for their cell phone service. So T-Mobile took action [image of five people in business suits walking down the street] sending out a team of economists to help people find the right plans for them. [images of doors being slammed on and families hiding from economists, then man spraying economist with garden hose] Then we tried a different approach.

[image of man opening front door to reveal Catherine Zeta-Jones in low-cut hot pink dress]

CZJ: Do you have time for a mobile makeover?

Man: I believe I do.

Voiceover: Get your mobile makeover at independent site billshrink-dot-com and find the right plan for you.

CZJ: The coverage you need at the price you want: T-Mobile.
Next up: Boost Mobile, in a continuation of their "Unwronged" series, with quite the clusterfucktastrophe of a advert that uses some high-larious fat-hating in a misguided gender reversal that, as with most men-acting-like-ladeez turnabouts, merely manages to suggest that men who behave like women are ridiculous, and, oh, by the way, women are ridiculous, too. Although, in this advert, we get an extra dose of fuckery care of casting Danica Patrick in the role of Super Special Token Woman whose man-like qualities make her exceptional.

[close-up of cleavage with marked tan line; hand holding marker enters frame and signs autograph on breasts as camera pulls away, revealing it is Danica Patrick signing her name and the breasts belong to a man, who is, inexplicably, shoving his boobs together to create cleavage]

Patrick: What? You think this is wrong? He's got a great rack! I'll tell you what's wrong—paying extra for the basic features on your phone, like texting. That's why I got Boost Mobile. Their fifty-dollar unlimited monthly plan lets me get the most out of my Motorola Clutch.

[fat young man comes up behind Patrick and squeezes his boobs together; she signs them, pats his shoulder, and walks away]

Voiceover: Fifty dollars unlimited nationwide. Talk, text, and web on the new Motorola Clutch. Boost Mobile: Unwronged.

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six", Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One,Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three,Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five, Sixty-Six.]

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Random YouTubery: Quack Thinkin'!

Springtime in Spokane, Washington: It may be a time for rebirth, but Joel Armstrong noticed danger below his second-floor office window—a nest full of day-old hatchlings crawling around their mother on the ledge. When she flew down to the sidewalk, the ducklings, unable to fly, faced the possibility of a very hard landing. So Armstrong lent a hand, by catching some of the hatchlings as they jumped from the ledge [video of Armstrong catching ducklings]—one…two…three…four—and delivering them to their very anxious mother. Others he got with a ladder, and then off they went in search of water. Armstrong guided them right through the middle of a parade route. Before long, they got to their destination—the river—and Armstrong got himself a new nickname: The Duck Man. Mike Gracia, The Associated Press.
[Via Chris.]

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Wednesday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, wanton purveyors of empathy since 2004.

Recommended Reading:

Cara: Serial Rapist Convicted of Raping His Daughter (strong trigger warning)

Echidne: An Interesting Read

Pizza Diavola: "Gay!"

Andy: Adam Lambert Acknowledges Elephant in the Room, Says it's Pink

Tracey: Call Me a Humorless Feminist, But...

Tami: Why I'm finding It Hard to Stomach Post-Bush Bill Maher

Atrios: Conservatives Gone Wild (video)

Leave your links in comments...

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Wow. No, Really. Wow.

I know pointing out the bozoid mush-thoughts of Ann Althouse has become more or less cliché in the blogosphere, but this... is really amazing. Apparently, Ms. Althouse isn't content with snerking over Sonia Sotomayor's "empathy" or questioning her intelligence. I know this is going to shock you all, but she has once again decided to obsess over her "feminine features" in a photograph. (I'm not going to link directly to her, you can get there via Instaputz.

For the record, here's the photo causing Althouse's vapors:

She huffs:
An emailer calls this to my attention saying: "I don't think you should post about this, but why would they put in this photo where you can see all the way up her skirt??"

Well, I am posting about this, and I wouldn't say "you can see all the way up her skirt." You can see that Sonia Sotomayor wears a skirt and crosses her legs in a relaxed and casual way that lets you see some leg. The photo also has her smiling prettily, with her hair in relaxed ringlets, one of which falls gently into her eye. Her left hand is devoid of any relationship-manifesting rings, but she's wearing long dangling earrings, and the hand is unclenched and draping gracefully.

Get the message? She's a woman. A womanly woman, fully embodying womanhood — even as she is not married, she's wearing a professional suit, and she's at home with the law books.
Okay, fine, whatever. I'm really not shocked that Althouse would rather she appear in her photo in a featureless potato sack, or hiding anything that might slightly indicate that she's a woman; Ann has always been uncomfortable with women looking like, well, women. But then she reads through her comment thread, and finds this one that she feels is worthy of featuring in her post. (Bolds mine.)
IN THE COMMENTS: Palladian, who has expertise in art, writes:
Her knee looks like a giant grey Idaho potato hovering in the foreground. The arm of the chair repeats the shape on the right of the frame, making it look like her other knee, which in turn makes it look like her hand is dead center in her enormous crotch, pawing at her cooch. You avoid those things in portraiture. Also not good to crop her right arm off. It implies that she's an amputee.
He is right, of course, but that isn't the answer to my question why the photograph was selected.
I repeat, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Open Wide...