Random YouTubery

Patrick Duffy & The Crab

Transcript via Melissa McEwan, CEO of Shaxco, the proud publisher of "Buttholes and Birkenstocks: The Gay Agenda Bathroom Reader."

Patrick Duffy, reading paper: Hmm. It says here that the EU is going to continue nuclear talks with Iran.

Crab: I dare you to eat a dime.

[Title card: "Patrick Duffy and The Crab."]

PD: I beg your pardon.

Crab: I dare you to eat a dime.

PD: Why would I do that?

Crab: Because I dared you.

PD: What am I—six years old? I'm not eating a dime.

Crab: I'll give you five bucks.

PD: Why do you want me to eat a dime so badly?

Crab: I've never seen anyone eat a dime before.

PD: You've seen someone eat other coins?

Crab: A kid in my elementary school ate a penny once. He was a weird kid.

PD: Yeah, well, he'd have to be.

Crab: C'mon! Just do it!

PD: Do you have any idea how many people touched that dime?

Crab: That's part of the mystery, the excitement.

PD: For who?

Crab: Me.

PD: Well, then you eat it!

Crab: Come on, Patrick! I do so much for you, and you never do anything for me. I'm asking for one thing, one little thing that would make me happy. If you really cared about me, if you really were my friend, you'd—

[PD eats dime.]

PD: There. Are you happy?

Crab: I dare you to eat a quarter.

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