I'm a Proud Teabagger and Real American

Listen up, you collection of tax-and-spend limousine liberals, pinko Commies, queerbaits, ladyboys, feminazi castrators, and assorted freaks: Go right ahead and have your little gigglefest about the teabag parties that real Americans like myself are having all over the country today, because while you're making your snide jokes about rightwing conspiracies, we're actually rightwing conspiratizing—and you'll be sorry when we take back the country through the mighty power of teabagging!

What you don't realize is that the American people are on our side. They're going nuts for this stuff! Tons of them have gotten sacked, and they know the economy's going down, and that President Obama has too many balls in the air right now what with two wars and trying to turn the country into a socialist crotchswamp to stop the economy from sucking big time. All he's doing is giving sacks of money to bankers and dangling flaccid, false promises in front of the American people, while we're dangling big bouncing balls of hope! It's not a hard choice.

Now that we've whipped out our full-throated determination to lick government spending in the form of nationwide teabagging events, it's only a matter of time before the American public are licking their lips with anticipation for more. It's one of those things that you don't know if you like until you try it, but, let me tell you, my friend Dick Balzac convinced me to try teabagging with him, and I had a really closed mind about it, but once I opened up for some teabagging, now I can't enough of it! Once you get a taste of teabagging, that's it! You're a teabagger for life.

So you just sit back and laugh it up while teabagging sweeps the nation and real Americans like me save the country. With the millions we're pumping into the economy by buying teabags alone, teabagging is our very own stimulus package!

Later, suckers.

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