News from Shakes Manor

Last night, before bed…

Iain: That's a cute rear ye've got there.

Liss: Rear? Ha ha ha! Rear?

Iain: [laughing] What's wrong wif rear?

Liss: Nothing's wrong with it—it's just funny because it's kind of old-fashioned and proper. It's like using…BM or something.

Iain: BM? What the fook is BM?

Liss: Bowel movement…? Don't you use that in Scotland?

Iain: Noo. We say, "I've gotta take a shite, mate."

Liss: [laughing] But what if you had to say it in a proper way? Like maybe to a doctor or something?

Iain: Dinnay. Probably…I'm having problems wif my constitutionals.

Liss: Well, here we say BM, so get with the program, buddy.

Iain: You Americans and yer fookin' acronyms. [puts on an American accent] FYI, I've got tae have a BM ASAP. Got any TP? BRB! [back to fading Scottish accent] Honestly, the lot of ya!

Liss: That's because we're the USA! [chants] USA! USA! USA!

Iain: Oh-Emm-Gee.

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