Last night, before bed…
Iain: That's a cute rear ye've got there.
Liss: Rear? Ha ha ha! Rear?
Iain: [laughing] What's wrong wif rear?
Liss: Nothing's wrong with it—it's just funny because it's kind of old-fashioned and proper. It's like using…BM or something.
Iain: BM? What the fook is BM?
Liss: Bowel movement…? Don't you use that in Scotland?
Iain: Noo. We say, "I've gotta take a shite, mate."
Liss: [laughing] But what if you had to say it in a proper way? Like maybe to a doctor or something?
Iain: Dinnay. Probably…I'm having problems wif my constitutionals.
Liss: Well, here we say BM, so get with the program, buddy.
Iain: You Americans and yer fookin' acronyms. [puts on an American accent] FYI, I've got tae have a BM ASAP. Got any TP? BRB! [back to fading Scottish accent] Honestly, the lot of ya!
Liss: That's because we're the USA! [chants] USA! USA! USA!
Iain: Oh-Emm-Gee.
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