[Transcript below.]
Not to put too fine a point on it, but, if this were put through a "Straight Talk" filter and actually translated into genuine straight talk befitting the mavericky delicious conductor of the Straight Talk Express, it would just show a picture of Obama next to a white girl with the narration: "Your idiot starfucking daughters and faggoty sons want to do sexay times with this black man, White America." Cut to a picture of McCain: "No one wants to fuck this. Vote McCain."
Interesting approach. I'll give him that.
Transcript:
Voiceover: You've seen him in London, Paris, and Berlin. Now you, too, can join The One's fanclub right here in America.
Random Anchor 1: You'd think Elvis or the Beatles had come to town!
Random Dude #1: This is amazing—I almost felt like crying when he signed it.
VO: The perks are amazing. Like a tax increase for everyone earning more than forty-two thousand dollars a year. [people cheering] He's a rock star!
Random Chick #1: Oh, I'd say he's at the level of Bono for me. [giggles]
VO: Able to move appetites with just a local appearance.
Random Anchor 2: You could feel it building at the Taco Bell across town, just before lunch.
Taco Bell Employee: We're not usually busy whenever it's raining, and it's been busy all day.
VO: So act now—and don't delay. We know he doesn't have much experience and isn't ready to lead, but that doesn't mean he isn't dreamy!
Random Chick #2: The aura around him is just really nice.
Random Chick #3: What I love most about him is that he has very soft eyes.
Random Dude #2: Hot chicks dig Obama.
Wayne and Garth: We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
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