Awesome!

Kathryn Jean Lopez -- that's KLo to you -- comes up with the most half-baked idea since Liberal Fascism: A Very Serious, Thoughtful, Argument that has Never Been Made in Such Detail or With Such Care:
A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How's that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them.
That is a totally crazy idea! But not in the way KLo means. First off, no, George W. Bush would not make an awesome high-school government teacher. Awesome teachers teach you how to think, not what to think. I envision Bush giving any critique of conservatism an F, or even a G, because that's not the truth. Bush would be the awful, petulant, my-way-or-the-highway teacher that everyone hates. And of course, this is all predicated on the notion that Bush would ever choose to teach, and I can tell you -- not at the salaries teachers get.

Still, this got me to thinking: what kind of other awesome jobs could Dubya do after leaving office? So here are a few totally crazy Saturday-night thoughts:

  • Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome Fox News analyst? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life wound up with him trying to communicate for a living? It worked for Rove! Who needs high-end lectures? Just criticize the Democrat Party right from the official house organ of the party! Reach out and touch viewers before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and has passed down to them.
  • Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome infantryman? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? I mean, sure, he skipped out on his military duties before, but he said he envies our soldiers in Afghanistan.  Who needs appointments to the board of directors of Exxon Mobil? How about he serves in Fallujah? (Or wherever?) Reach out and kill Iraqis first-hand or break them of their will to live.
  • Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome doctor? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life wound up with him trying to save lives, instead of take them? Maybe he can intern with Frist! Who needs coke-fueld parties at the Crawford "ranch?" Maybe he could be a heart transplant specialist! Wouldn't it be cool if you went in for your heart transplant, and there was George Bush, telling you, "All right, we're gonna start sewing at the Albuquerque valve, and we're not going to stop until we achieve victory over this heart."
  • Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome caterer? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life involved him catering for the rich and famous? How's that for awesome? Who needs large stacks of cash passed under the table from Halliburton? I can see it now, people dying of food poisoning, and Bush saying, "No, we've committed to using rat poison as a garnish, and we're gonna see this through to the end."
  • Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome president? Oh, wait, he tried that -- the answer is "no."
So fun, isn't it? Feel free to play along in comments.

(Via Phila)

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