MYOB

Shaker Elle just dropped into comments the link to this article, noting, "I think this might be worse than even the baby bump spotting." And, yeah, I think it might be, too.

Jessica Alba has been spotted these past few days looking rather gloomy and sad, fueling speculation that perhaps she's suffering from post-partum depression.

First paragraph, and I already want to punch things.

Although she's been named one of the sexiest ladies in the world and even called by a scientific research as the girl with the 'perfect proportions', it may seem that the star of 'Fantastic Four' and 'Sin City' is dealing with a very common symptom among new moms.

The whatthefuckery quotient in that paragraph almost defies comprehension. What in the fuckity-fuck does being regarded as sexy or having 'perfect proportions' have to do with postpartum depression?! As if "Gee, Jessica, you're so pretty—what could you possibly feel bad about?" isn't stupid enough, were she were suffering basic depression, this is the equivalent of saying, "Gee, Jessica, you're so pretty—why would your body possibly suffer a dramatic drop in estrogen and progesterone post-pregnant, possibly accompanied by a drop in blood volume, blood pressure, immune system, and/or metabolism? And you're so sexy—why would being a first-time mother to a newborn baby cause sleep deprivation or feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious? And you're so successful—it's hard to imagine that immediately after giving childbirth you might feel fatigued or emotional. I always thought postpartum depression was for ugly chicks!"

According to several sites, Jessica has been acting distant with her close friends and relatives, as well as avoiding any contact with the media.

TMZ has a video of Alba and husband Cash Warren leaving a restaurant and Jessica's trying too hard to avoid the camera. (Or perhaps she was just fed up by his presence).

Whose presence? Her husband's—or the cameraman sticking a camera in her face demanding to know, "So how's motherhood treating you?" Yeesh.

Now, the funny thing about that clip at the dreadful TMZ is that it's introduced with, "She no longer has a fetus growing inside her belly—but Jessica Alba is still as miserable as ever." As miserable as ever, referencing her existing repute on the gossip blogs as the Grumpiest Little Starlet in the Whole Wide World, a reputation that long preceded her pregnancy and is attributable to her eminently reasonable hostility to the paparazzi. (Never mind that she is nothing short of effervescent when interviewed at a scheduled event.)

The point is, what was just called grumpiness before is now being presented as evidence of her alleged postpartum depression. Amazing how that works.

Other theory is that she's just upset that her most recent film, 'The Love Guru', with Mike Myers, didn't actually feel the love at the box office during its opening weekend. With the horror remake 'The Eye', it marks her second straight bomb in U.S. cinemas this year.

Or maybe she just wants a moment's fucking privacy. Or maybe she's tired because she gave birth twenty days ago. Or maybe she saw her inclusion in one of the nastiest bits of woman-hating dreck on the internetz advertised right on the same fucking page as this asinine story.


Or maybe she does have postpartum depression, and it's none of our goddamned business.

I always hear people justify this horseshit with comments like, "Well, that's what she signed up for" or "That's the price she pays for fame" or some other nonsense that essentially asserts that someone who wants a high-profile job in the public sphere has no right to privacy anymore. And that's just bloody wrong. If Jessica Alba wants to be an actress, and she signs on to be in films, to do the promotion for those films, and nothing more, then that's it. That's all we get. And it should be enough.

But instead, she gives us thismuch of herself, and we say, "Not good enough. We want it all." We want pictures of you walking and shopping and eating and dancing and kissing and fucking and sitting on the toilet and not wearing makeup, so then we can make fun of you.


Then we'll rationalize it by saying you asked for it.

And we'll say it without a modicum of compunction, or any awareness that we sound exactly like the rapist who says the same of the girl who was wearing the short skirt.

Because we, like he does, feel we have a right to take from you whatever we want.

Maybe, if Jessica looks miserable, it's because of that.