More Totally True Things About Melissa McEwan (as Found on Teh Internetz)

Melissa is 10 feet tall and bullet proof! Also, she is madly in love with me and bakes me yummy apple pies and delivers them to my house on Tuesdays. Woe, today is Wednesday, and I have to wait another week till my next apple pie. This time more cinnamon please!

Liss creates hundreds of papier mache trolls, sells them as piñatas, and donates the cash to her favorite org!

Melissa moonlights as a crime-fighting vigilante using a hubcap from a flying saucer as a shield.

Melissa has published more than 40 best sellers, and pays struggling actors to pose as the real authors. One of them is Stephen King.

Melissa knows kung fu. And not just in the matrix.

Melissa McEwan is the latest of many pseudonyms taken by Catherine Parr, Queen of England, who was made immortal by a magical confluence.

Melissa gets around in a pink scooter that has two cat pouches on the sides. She makes the best coffee in the Continental U.S. On weekends, she studies squirrels, convinced that they have much to teach us.

There is no spoon? Melissa is the spoon.

Melissa's Pistol Boob Move, referred to some time ago, has the power to turn Republican men blind. Instantly. And her cape and tights are breakaway, so that the various disasters that befell caped superheroes in 'the Incredibles' cannot end her reign of superherodom.

Melissa wrote several hit songs, including "Rock Me Amadeus."

Melissa has a 4 8 15 16 23 42 tattoo!

Melissa is the 12th cylon model.

Melissa is Jacob!

Melissa has the death penalty on twelve systems, and can do the Kessel Run in 3 parsecs in her Aluminum Falcon.

There is no chin behind Melissa's beard. There is only another fist.

Oh, wait. That's Chuck Norris.

* * *

Enter your own Totally True Things About Melissa McEwan in comments.

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus