President John W. McCain: 2015 Wikipedia entry

From the year 2015, an excerpt from the Wikipedia biography of President John W. McCain:

"When McCain won the U.S. Presidency (controversially winning nine states by one vote each), the United States had reached lows it had not seen since the Great Depression era. With the nation at war on four fronts as he took office (Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Alabama), McCain quickly responded by taking an 87-day holiday and changing his middle initial to "Dubya."

Upon returning to office, McCain continued to do little but show old movies of himself to people visiting the White House. It was under these circumstances that the U.S. reached full recovery.

It was Sept. 2009 when the "American Miracle," as many have taken to calling it, began. First, the dollar strengthened based on absolutely nothing. Job creation also skyrocketed, as business owners around the nation decided that hiring people could be a way for their companies to stop hemorrhaging money. Acting on this news, oil prices plummeted to $42 a barrel, and the price of gas at U.S. pumps averaged $1.28 a gallon. Health insurance rates plummeted based on the "well, everyone else is doing it," economic theory. Wealth inequality closed dramatically as the poor were not anywhere near as poor and the rich were just slightly less rich. All U.S. infrastructure simultaneously strengthened in 2010, based on what McCain called the "successful privatization of the U.S. infrastructure." Critics pointed out that no private companies had done anything, and that it had all just sort of "happened."

Not long after the American Economic Miracle came the American Military Miracle. Basically, based on the news of the strengthened dollar, radical Islamicists all spontaneously gave up and supported a democratic system with a Freidman-inspired economy in Iraq, Iran, and Syria and promised never to do terrorism again. Alabama chose to continue to its Civil War battle, however, albeit it peacefully.

McCain never admitted to knowing how it all occurred, instead lavishing praise on the Conservative Ideology. "I'm a Conservative, so I knew along everything would come together," said McCain in 2014. McCain also pointed to conservatism for the victory in the drug war, as everyone stopped doing any type of non-legal drug, all stating that they were too high on life to get high on anything else.

Former President George W. Bush was quick to take credit for most everything, however.

"I always knew my legacy would show my greatness. Now, as I live my legacy, I only look forward to an even better legacy in the years to come," Bush told the New York Times in 2014 from his compound in Paraguay. Still, Bush was unable to exactly explain how the "American Miracle" took place. "First off, I think by sheer force of personality, I created a better world. Secondly, God."

The McCain Presidency has been called the "Second Camelot" by many, as the public enjoyed peace and prosperity. McCain's vibrant personality and jovial personality gave Americans a standard bearer for how to react during bad times. And by just thinking more positively as a nation, as some government officials stated, everything just magically got better.

Whether a critic or a fan, few can doubt that John McCain was the greatest U.S. President of the 21st century. Without having a plan, without actually doing anything, McCain saved the United States of America."


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