This year, more than ever, being a Blogger is the most important job in the world, and I say this without a whit of hyperbole.
However, being a top-notch Blogger has many responsibilities. Such as, one must be entirely clean from even the whiff of scandalous statements. There is no way a blogger can get his or her message across if someone, somewhere said something that offended someone else, somewhere else.
That is why today, I, William K. Wolfrum, officially denounce everything everybody has ever said, anywhere, ever.
I take this action because my staff has informed that people can be offended by a wide range of comments from "The Pope is a Bastard" to "Hey Sally, good morning!"
That is why I felt it necessary to what's now known as a "mass denunciation" of all comments ever made on this planet. Please note, I also denounce my use of the phrases "The Pope is a Bastard" and "Hey Sally, good morning!" and apologize for using them and hope people will see that I was just using them as an example.
In fact, let's be honest, most the things I've written, said, and even thought throughout my life have been controversial and offensive, to say the least. I denounce all of it, effective immediately. I hope my self-denunciation shows how serious I am on this effort to distance myself from all things offensive so that the nation's dialogue can continue.
I'd like to point out that I am firm in my denouncements. I am not in any way trying to sneak a secret message across to the media, where reporters or fellow bloggers could grab a statement from here and use it as something to denounce me for. My denouncement is all-encompassing, and done with complete and utter honesty, and, in fact, includes a complete denouncement of this Statement of Denouncement.
I hope this statement clears things up about my beliefs of the statements of others. Because during this time of great importance, it's vital we are all able to focus on real issues, like Eliot Spitzer's recent bust on prostitution charges.
Note: I also denounce my above usage of the words "prostitution" and "Spitzer."
Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel in this matter.