The Large Hadron Collider Will Eat Your Children...No, Seriously.

More specifically, it could create a black hole which will proceed to eat you and your children and your shoes and Africa and the moon and, well, everything. Don't believe it? Just ask these two gentlemen, who have cleverly saved time for doomsday-related litigation by not actually becoming physicists. I mean, graduate school is tedious. And you show me one career scientist who has time for court dates; most of them barely shower.

According to the plaintiffs, the supercollider located at CERN should be prevented from operating until further safety reports have been made, due to the possibility of a universe-ending result of the ensuing proton-smashings. I've heard mention of such hypotheses before, but now that there's a lawsuit attached, I'm inclined to take them more seriously. After all, I make no attempt to deny my emotional attachment to matter. Everyone I know is made of it. And if you ceased to exist tomorrow, wouldn't you be pissed off? I know I would.

Don't let my pleasingly variegated appearance fool you.

Sidenote: Randall Monroe is so sarcastic. Jeez.