Good News, Everyone!

Boy, I wish this had appeared in The Onion, and not on the BBC:
Italy's highest court has ruled that a woman wearing jeans cannot be raped.

The Supreme Court of Appeal in Rome on Wednesday overturned a rape conviction, saying that the supposed victim must have agreed to sex because her jeans could not have been removed without her consent.

[...]

His defence had argued that the young woman - identified as Rosa - had consented to sex, a version of events which the woman strongly denied.

The Supreme Court ruled that it was impossible to remove a pair of jeans "without the collaboration of the person wearing them", and that the young woman must therefore have consented to sex.

I mean, obviously. It's completely impossible to envision a situation in which a man could rape a woman who was wearing jeans. Or where a man could actually remove a woman's jeans without her consent -- as we all know jeans are bonded molecularly to women, and only can be removed after voice code and retinal scan verification.

So to review, women: don't dress all slutty (which will necessarily be defined in an incoherent, imprecise manner), because then you're asking to be raped, and no court will convict your attacker. But if you wear jeans, you can't be raped, and no amount of claiming you were will get a court to convict your attacker. Charlotte Allen was right: women are totally not oppressed at all anymore.

(Via Ellen Tarlin)

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