Can America really afford another American President?

In my more than two eons as an American, most of that time spent as a political pundit of some note, I have come to the conclusion that the last thing the U.S. needs is another American president. It is my opinion that at this point in U.S. history, having an actual American hold the U.S. presidency would be national suicide.

In fact, since the end of World War II, Americans have become increasingly incompetent as leaders of the U.S., leading us to the apex of incompetence - George W. Bush. This downward spiral shows no signs of stopping. While perhaps a Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton presidency could give the appearance of improvement, in the end it is my opinion that their innate Americanism will ultimately lead them to more foolish decisions that will continue the U.S. on its downhill spiral.

Things didn't used to be this way. Great Americans such as George Washington, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson helped create a nation that was a grand experiment of democracy and freedom. Here is the kicker, however - none of them were "Americans" per se. They were born as "British Americans."

You need to go all the way to the eighth President - Martin Van Buren - to have a U.S. president that was born a bona fide American. And what is Van Buren best known for? The Panic of 1837 and the creation of political parties in the U.S., neither of which did anyone any good, whatsoever.

If Van Buren showed us anything, it was that true Americans were inept when it came to leading the country. Since then, there have been basically two American Presidents - Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt that have been worth the paper of the monies of which they adorn - and even they have their detractors.

This year more than ever, with the presence of Clinton and Obama as potential candidates, much has been made that for more than 230 years, the U.S. Presidency has been the exclusive domain of white males. But that issue overlooks the fact that the majority of these white men were American. Therein lies the problem. Because Americans are hamstrung by several factors, including:

1) The inability to refer to the U.S. as anything other thatn "The Greatest Country in the World."

2) A firm belief that diplomacy can only be conducted with cruise missiles and tanks.

3) An inability to conceive that any culture could be happy or strong if they aren't modeled after, or run by proxy by the United States, and

4) A complete ignorance of actual American, and world history.

These factors, along with many others, make Americans naturally unacceptable to be President of the U.S.

This is by no means meant as defamation to Americans in general. As a people, Americans have been innovative, generous and helpful to the world. Remember, the original "Star Wars" movies - which brought joy to billions worldwide - were made by Americans, and starred Americans, with the exception of the guy who played C3PO and many key members of the evil Galactic Empire. Otherwise, "Star Wars" is a purely American project that showed the world that Americans are indeed, a worthy people.

But politics is not film making. And Americans have increasingly proved inept at running their own country, which has led us to our current situation of a stagflating economy, horribly run wars on multiple fronts, a pro-torture mentality, a failing infrastructure, a dollar that's not even worth a dollar, oil prices that appear to be heading toward four figures rather than back to two, and an incessant barrage of Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler movies.

We are a nation in crisis. And if we plan on trusting an American to get us out of this fix, we may as well all start learning Russian and Chinese.

That is why, after withholding my endorsement for President until this very late moment, and painstaking research, I give my full endorsement to Micheline Calmy-Rey, Head of the Swiss Federal Department of Foreign Affairs.

I firmly believe that Calmy-Rey can help the United States become the strong, responsible nation that Americans and non-Americans need it to be. Not only has Calmy-Rey had a distinguished career in politics, she also has an exceptional singing voice, as can be viewed below:

Now don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that the Constitution makes it clear that only a natural-born citizen is allowed to be President of the U.S. But as many have said in recent years, the Constitution is not a suicide pact. And the past several years have shown us that the U.S. Constitution really isn't the law of the land so much as it is a collection of pithy phrases and interesting concepts, like Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" or Bartlett's Quotation's. Basically, the Constitution would be a non-issue for a Calmy-Rey U.S. Presidential run.

Time is of the essence of course, and there is much to be done: courting Calmy-Rey, inventing a political party for her, getting signatures and such. But this is not an impossible task. She is Swiss, and the Swiss believe nothing is impossible.

So I hereby endorse Micheline Calmy-Rey to be the next President of the United States. Her education, realistic view of world events and history, mesmerizing singing voice, and non-American status are exactly what this nation needs. Because after 200 years, one thing is abundantly clear - the last thing the U.S. needs is another American in the White House.


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