You Know Me, Always Stickin' It to the (Wo)Man

So Jessica Valenti happens to have spotted something that...well...I guess I never knew:
Apparently, goatees are part of a backlash to feminism. Or something. I'll never look at Johnny Depp the same away again, that quietly defiant bastard.

I know, this seems ridiculous, but how can I argue with this kind of proof?

No, they certainly are absolutely right about the short-trimmed beard, which, as you know, is absolutely everywhere these days, except for on human chins. So what am I, your goateed writer, to do?

I mean, I certainly didn't grow my goatee in an attempt to speak out against feminism. I grew it...actually, I'm not sure why I originally grew it. I think I was looking to add hair to my face in an effort to make up for the hair I was losing on my head, and the goatee looked better than a mustache or a full beard. It was something like 1994, and the goatee was sorta kinda in; I think Skeet Ulrich might have had one. Anyhow, I went with the goatee because, you know, it was there.

But what now? All my world is topsy-turvy. Do I shave the goatee? Do I keep it as an ironic statement on anti-feminism? Do I grow the "short beard" that allegedly is in, despite all evidence to the contrary? Do I dare try the toothbrush mustache? What should I do?

Alas, I'm at a loss, so I turn it over to you, the reader. What the heck should I do about my facial hair?

What do I do with my evidently anti-feminist goatee?
Shave it off!
Short Beard!
Big Mustache!
Keep it!
Something else!

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