An Open Letter to John Aravosis

Dear John,

If you do not understand what sexism is, please, please, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, do not post a long, rambling, declarative-sentence-free post insinuating that it doesn't really so much exist. Like this, for example:

Are women, on average, the same as men? Emotionally? Psychologically? In the way they approach problems and solutions? In the way they handle human relationships? When it comes to showing emotion? Is the charge "sexism" because someone is saying there is a difference between men and women or because someone is saying that the supposed difference makes women less qualified to be president, or both? (What if a female candidate were to say that the differences between the sexes make women MORE qualified than men - or at least her status as a woman makes her uniquely qualified - would that be sexist too?) Now take the word "woman" out of it altogether. Is it wrong for a candidate to say that their opponent is emotional, empathetic, and strives to settle differences peacefully, and that those aren't qualities we need in a commander in chief during wartime? Is it okay to make those charges if you leave the word "woman" out of it? Then again, Edwards did leave the word woman out of it, but since his target was a woman, you could argue that it was implied. So is it okay to make those charges against a man who is emotional, empathetic and all the rest? Or is that sexist too, or even homophobic?

If you really want those questions answered, there are dozens of extremely bright women who can help you with them.

If you find that too time-consuming, then please simply recognize that on gender, you're dealing from a position of privilege, and that in situations like that, it is always best to listen, truly listen, to people who are not privileged before you spout off. You would resent it, and rightly so, if I wrote a long, rambling diatribe insinuating that the attacks on John Edwards' hair were not really rooted in homophobia, and suggesting that homosexuals were being too sensitive. Especially if I did so in such a way that showed I hadn't actually done any reading or listening to the LGBT community on the matter. Please, show women the same courtesy with regard to feminism that you would expect with regard to sexuality.

You do some very good work on your blog, and I have tremendous respect for you. But you need to start listening to women. You will benefit from the experience, as will the progressive blogosphere as a whole.

Sincerely,

Jeff Fecke