From The Ministry Of Homeland Security

Take heart and rejoice in our recent accomplishments to keep our Homeland safe and secure:

Our success against the Enemy continues, as they manage to slip by and set fire to the Homeland.

Our ability to respond quickly to domestic terrorism is bolstered by our inability to efficiently test our citizens for dirty bomb exposure.

Our active participation in climate change will save those who would normally perish in the winter.

Work and consume.

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