Fictional character Ronald Reagan was gay

Fictional character Ronald Reagan was gay, announced blogger William K. Wolfrum today. The controversial announcement stunned many fans of the one-time non-fictional President.

Reagan, who was for a long time a real-life human, became a fictional character in the mid-1980s, when revisionist historians rewrote him as the greatest conservative in the history of American politics.


While the reality was that Reagan turned the U.S. from the world's largest international creditor to the world's largest debtor nation, committed treason by overseeing the illegal sale of weaponry to Iran (most conservatives agree the U.S. has been at war with Iran since the 1970s), conducted his own "War on Terror" (against Nicaragua), refused to utter the word "AIDS" as the disease spread wildly throughout the planet, and helped create a nation with rampant wealth inequality, revisionist historians have created a Reagan that is, in fact, completely fictional.

Many "Reaganites" (fans of the fictional character) have credited Reagan with single-handedly destroying the Soviet Union and being a fiscal conservative, honest politician and ultra-moral superhero. Still, most historians agree that Reagan's affect on the fall of the Soviet Union was minimal and has been overblown, that he plunged the U.S. into harrowing debt, created a class-structure system in the U.S., guided the Iran-Contra affair, started wars with nations the size of Wichita, and saw several of those in his administration be convicted of various crimes.

Nonetheless, most of this history has been rewritten, as things such as his failed first marriage are glossed over. In 1992, with the election of Bill Clinton, Reagan ceased being an actual human being all together and became completely fictional, according to most reports.

Wolfrum, a non-descript blogger who reportedly is overly concerned with his beard, announced that since Reagan is a fictional character, history can now be revised in any way, according to any writer's whim.

"If the fictional history of Reagan is that he destroyed the Soviet Union and was a fiscal conservative, then anything goes," said Wolfrum. "If you're willing to argue that Reagan was those things, then you don't have a leg to stand on if you want to argue he wasn't gay."

While admitting that many historical revisionists would be outraged by the announcement, Wolfrum seemed unaffected.

"I don't really see what the big deal is," said Wolfrum, dabbling in historical fan fiction for the first time. "So he was gay? Big deal, he can be anything anyone wants him to be. It's not like he's a real person anymore. He's a work of fiction now. Like Dumbledore of the Harry Potter series. Or John Wayne."

--WKW

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