Michael Vick Finds Jesus

No word on where Jesus was hiding:

"I will redeem myself" said Vick, "I have to."

Vick wasn't specific about the acts he was sorry for, but declared, "Dogfighting is a terrible thing. I reject it."

Between apologies to everyone from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank -- to all the kids who used to look up to him, Vick declared that he's found Jesus and has turned his life over to God.

Reportedly, God took a look at it, said, "You idiot, you're mixed up in dog fighting," and gave it back.