The Magical Mystery Meme, Tart Edition

UPDATE: The Answering

1. Bite my own toenails? True. If you've just showered I don't see the big fuckin' deal.
2. Stealing antennae balls? We were honors students. Our pranks were lame.
3. Squeeze my breasts to relax? Try it. It's very soothing. Plus it gives me something to do with my hands when I'm reading.
4. Car carpet stool sample fiasco? Ewwww! I so made that up. Can you imagine? Dude, if I was driving around with my own stool, I'd Ziploc that biz.
5. And I still haven't been stung by a bee. And there are bees in Southern California, but they never got me.

Sizemore, you win, but your reasoning was off. Because if that actually happened, I'd pay anything they charged to have it cleaned professionally.
Via Konagod: Four of these five stories about my life are true. Can you identify the false one?

1. I bite my own toenails, and I don't think it's gross.

2. In high school, some friends and I spent months stealing Jack-In-The-Box antennae balls off people's cars. Then one night we went to a huge shopping/entertainment complex and, under cloak of darkness, strategically placed the multitude of pilfered prizes on the antennae of two rows of cars. We called the stealing process "Jack the Jack," and for some reason, the re-distribution process was called "The Photo Fiesta."

3. When I get anxious, I squeeze my breasts to calm myself down.

4. I was once ordered by a doctor to bring a stool sample back to the office. I didn't screw the cap back on the plastic cup correcty and it spilled in my car, a car for which I never bothered to purchase floor mats. It cost me $150 to have the carpet cleaned.

5. I have never been stung by a bee.

I tag Mr. Shakes.

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