Ref. Spudsy's and my recent phone conversation, what food or dish do you love so much you would totally fuck it?
(Figuratively, of course. Although, whatever happens between you and your food is not for me to judge...)
Question of the Day
Daily Highlights
Shakes: The Meme of 50
Shakes: Presto Chango Redeployo
The Heretik: A Quick Study
Shakes: From Orwell to Kafka
Waveflux: The Speed of Meme
Shakes: A Cry for Help
Shakes: News from Shakes Manor
Shakes: Marauding Elephants
Shakes: Gore Gore Gore
Shakes: Quotes of the Day
Quotes of the Day
"I'm a realist because I understand how tough it is inside of Iraq." — President Bush, giving pause even to those who expect him to say stupid shit.
"In his first week in office he’d probably link Microsoft Virtual Earth to the government’s spy satellites so you can look for Osama yourself." — Scott Adams, making his case on behalf of Bill Gates 4 Pres (via NewMexiKen).
Al Gore: The GQ Interview
"There are a significant number of people who appear not to know or care that I was Vice President of the United States, but who are very tuned into the fact that I uttered the immortal line, 'I have ridden the mighty moonworm'." — Al Gore, on reprising his role as a disembodied head in the upcoming Futurama feature film.
The rest of his interview with GQ is below the fold. And seriously, whether you like Gore or not, read it—just for his rant about Bush’s failure alone.
You look great.
Uh, thanks.
I like the, you know, broader look.
[laughs] That’s soooo nice of you to say. (to staff) I’d like a Heineken, if you have one.
Can I ask you something? What’s with the Regency Hotel and you guys? John Kerry and Teresa stay here, Evan Bayh, all the big Dems.
You know, I started this years ago…
Do they keep a set of clothes here for you?
No! I wish I could.
They keep Larry King’s clothes here for him.
They do? Where? Now, that is something I did not know.
There’s something you did not know? Incredible. Is there a burden to being so smart?
That’s the exact converse of, “When did you stop beating your wife?” There’s no way to answer a question like that without seeming pompous and conceited. I have a battery-powered hubris alarm on my belt. And it’s set on vibrate, and it’s going crazy.
So, did you ever think your movie would be this successful?
Noooooo. You know, I hoped it would be. But I had questions about whether it would really be possible to turn a slide show into a movie.
And a slide show by Al Gore! Isn’t it interesting how, throughout the 2000 campaign, the media beat you up, calling you wooden and robotic and all that, but somehow you had the charisma to carry a movie?
[laughs] Well, I have always had close friends say, during those political years, “Why don’t they see you the way we see you?”
Yeah, why is that?
I think one part of it is, in a campaign, there is an adversarial context. Your opposition is constantly painting negative caricatures. And also, the audience—or, the voters—are naturally looking at you through a more skeptical lens. And that’s not all bad. But that’s a different lens than the one used by people watching this movie.
It’s funny. You constantly hear people say, “If only he were the way he was in the movie, he’d have been president.” Does that drive you crazy?
No! No, I appreciate that.
Do you agree?
Well, I certainly take my share of whatever blame is to be apportioned for not having more skill as a communicator. Maybe there are some things in politics I’m just not good at.
So if you decide to run, do you think we would see the Al Gore from the movie? Or the Al Gore from 2000?
Well, I don’t plan to run. I don’t plan to run. And I don’t expect to run.
How many times a day does somebody ask you this?
Well, I’m doing a lot of interviews and it’s on the list of questions. For every one of them. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that people think enough of me still in that world to ask that question. It’s true that I haven’t, uh, gotten to the point where I am willing to completely rule it out for all time. But, that is really more a matter of the internal shifting of gears. I’m not making plans to run again.
But you’re not ruling it out?
Uh… no. [smiles]
Do you know if President Bush has seen the movie yet?
Well, he claimed that would not see it. That’s why I wrote the book. He’s a reader.
What page do you think he’s on?
I would encourage him to see the movie and read the book. I wish that he would.
Don’t you find it appalling that he won’t?
Well, you know, he’s probably no more objective about me than I am about him.
So have you been offered any other movie parts?
Yes! I actually just performed a voice-over role in a movie last week. I am reprising my role as a disembodied head in Futurama, which is being made into a movie. There are a significant number of people who appear not to know or care that I was Vice President of the United States, but who are very tuned into the fact that I uttered the immortal line, “I have ridden the mighty moonworm.”
And that’s so much more important. So do you think you’ll get an Oscar nomination?
For the disembodied head?
For An Inconvenient Truth.
Well, I think the movie deserves one. I’m not eligible; the movie is. But I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it.
Do you think you have ever been more popular?
Ahhhh. I think non-candidates are inherently more popular than candidates.
What is your relationship with the Clintons like now?
Good. Fine. Uh, I saw him today. We see them every once in a while.
Do you like her?
Sure. We worked together for 8 years, and uh, I think she’s, uh… very capable.
Could she win?
I’m not gonna get drawn into speculation about the potential candidates in 2008.
Okay, then let me ask you this. If you had to have a drink with someone tonight, and it was Bill or Hillary, you couldn’t pick both but you had to pick one, whom would you pick?
Well, Bill doesn’t drink.
Are you sure?
I’m pretty sure, yeah. So, if that were the criterion, to have a drink with them and she’s the only one that does, then it would be her. You know, it’s not the same now as it was, of course. A lot of water under the bridge. But we have been through a lot together and I wish them both well.
Do you want your daughter Karenna to go into politics?
I want her to do what she wants to do. I think her judgment is so good, and if she were to decide to go into politics, she would be soooo good. If I had half of the skills that she has, I would definitely be in my second term as president right now.
What does she have that you don’t have?
Perfect pitch.
Okay, on to 9-11. What were you really feeling? Was there a part of you that felt a sense of relief that you weren’t in charge that day?
You mean a sense of relief that I didn’t have to deal with it? Oh no. Not at all. Not for one second. Not for one second. Why would I? I mean, well first of all, it just didn’t occur to me to feel anything like that. What did occur to me was to feel what every American felt, the outrage and anger and righteous anger, and support for the President at a time of danger… And, honestly, I was focused on the reality of the situation. And I wasn’t president, so, you know, it wasn’t about me. Now, I do wish, now that we have some distance from the events, and we have all this knowledge about what this administration did do, I certainly feel that I wish that it had been handled differently, and I do wish that I had somehow been able to prevent some of the catastrophic mistakes that were made.
Do you feel that we would be safer today if you had been president on that day?
Well, no one can say that the 9-11 attack wouldn’t have occurred whoever was president.
Really? How about all the warnings?
That’s a separate question. And it’s almost too easy to say, “I would have heeded the warnings.” In fact, I think I would have, I know I would have. We had several instances when the CIA’s alarm bells went off, and what we did when that happened was, we had emergency meetings and called everybody together and made sure that all systems were go and every agency was hitting on all cylinders, and we made them bring more information, and go into the second and third and fourth level of detail. And made suggestions on how we could respond in a more coordinated, more effective way. It is inconceivable to me that Bush would read a warning as stark and as clear [voice angry now] as the one he received on August 6th of 2001, and, according to some of the new histories, he turned to the briefer and said, “Well, you’ve covered your ass.” And never called a follow up meeting. Never made an inquiry. Never asked a single question. To this day, I don’t understand it. And, I think it’s fair to say that he personally does in fact bear a measure of blame for not doing his job at a time when we really needed him to do his job. And now the Woodward book has this episode that has been confirmed by the record that George Tenet, who was much abused by this administration, went over to the White House for the purpose of calling an emergency meeting and warning as clearly as possible about the extremely dangerous situation with Osama bin Laden, and was brushed off! And I don’t know why—honestly—I mean, I understand how horrible this Congressman Foley situation with the instant messaging is, okay? I understand that. But, why didn’t these kinds of things produce a similar outrage? And you know, I’m even reluctant to talk about it in these terms because it’s so easy for people to hear this or read this as sort of cheap political game-playing. I understand how it could sound that way. [Practically screaming now] But dammit, whatever happened to the concept of accountability for catastrophic failure? This administration has been by far the most incompetent, inept, and with more moral cowardice, and obsequiousness to their wealthy contributors, and obliviousness to the public interest of any administration in modern history, and probably in the entire history of the country!
But how do you really feel?
(cracks up)
What’s the nicest thing you can say about George Bush?
He made a terrific appointment of Ben Bernanke as chairman of the Federal Reserve.
Ok, Is there a second best thing?
I can’t think of another one, actually.
When you see the state things are in now, don’t you feel an obligation to run?
Well, I don’t think I have to apologize for devoting my life to trying to solve the most serious challenge our civilization’s ever faced. But I do understand the nature of the question, and as I said, I haven’t completely ruled it out. It’s just that I don’t expect to—and I don’t really believe that that is necessarily the best use of my skills and experience. [sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes]
Do you like yourself more now? Do you have more fun now?
Well, you know the old Kris Kristofferson song that Janis Joplin made famous, “Me and Bobby McGee”? It has a great line: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. There’s some aspects of that involved here.
What kind of freedom do you feel now that you didn’t feel when you were running?
You know my all time favorite Onion headline—you read The Onion?—sometime in the summer of 2001, the lead story on the front page had a picture of Tipper and me, and the headline was, “Gores Enjoying Best Sex of Their Lives.” And she said, “How did they know?”
Do you have any advice on keeping a marriage together?
I think basically Tipper is the key to it.
Really?
Yeah. Love is such a complicated force, I don’t have the words to speak intelligently about it. I don’t even want to try to universalize what feels true to me, because everybody’s different and—
Yeah, but you know what? A lot of people are real different. You’re devoted. People look at you two and you never wonder if there’s anything stupid going on. What is it about you two?
Well, I think that communicating clearly, and making intelligent decisions about the time that you set aside for one another, not time with you and your spouse and the entire family. That’s also very important, but it doesn’t count in that category of time you need for the relationship itself. Communicating clearly, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. That’s just really important. And if you need help, get help.
Have you been to therapy?
We went in the aftermath of our son’s accident. We had family therapy. And you know, Tipper has a graduate degree in psychology, and she has had a fairly intensive psychiatric practice for 40 years—with one patient. I’m seriously not joking when I say the secret is mostly her. She’s just an amazing partner in life.
What’s the last really romantic thing you did for her?
I made her an iTunes list that communicated things that are important.
What was on it?
That’s too personal.
How often do you think about 2000?
Uhhhh… (feigned shock) The 2000 election?
Yes, that little tiny thing that happened in American history.
I’d almost forgotten! Oh, gosh.
You are so much more relaxed now. I think you’re having more fun this way.
Um, compared to what?
To being a candidate.
Gee, how could anything be more fun than that?
We Know the Feeling
Villagers Call For Action Against Marauding Elephants:
Thousands of residents in Indonesia’s Aceh province threatened to occupy the local parliament unless something is done about wild elephants attacking their villages, a report said.Someone send Howard Dean over there to organize a 50 Village Strategy to solve the wild elephant problem.
All jokes aside, the all-too-familiar situation there is really sad, since elephants are wandering into residential areas because their natural habitat has been reduced by deforestation. So now elephants are being killed even though they’re a protected species. Problem is, it doesn’t do much good to protect a species if you’re not going to preserve a place for them to live.
News from Shakes Manor
On the Phone with Spud Edition
Tuesday, 6pm: The phone rings and Mr. Shakes picks it up, looking at the caller ID.
Mr. Shakes: I think it’s Miller. Noo…maybe it’s Paul. Oor maybe Miller.
Shakes: Just answer it!
Mr. Shakes: Ooh, right. Helloo?
It’s Paul the Spud. The two lads speak for a bit and then Mr. Shakes passes me the phone. Spudsy and I spend an inordinate amount of time speaking about crock pot recipes.
Shakes: You would totally love this chili.
Paul the Spud: Is it good enough to make me want to pull down my pants and sit in a big bowl of it?
Shakes: This chili’s so good you’ll want to pull down your pants and fuck it!
Mmm chili.
A Cry for Help
Disguised as a Presidential Proclamation:
Methamphetamine is a powerfully addictive drug that dramatically affects users' minds and bodies. Chronic use can lead to violent behavior, paranoia, and an inability to cope with the ordinary demands of life. Methamphetamine abusers can transform homes into places of danger and despair by neglecting or endangering the lives of their children, spouses, and other loved ones.Someone’s trying to tell us he has a problem. The most compassionate thing to do is impeach him and send him to rehab tout de suite.
In all seriousness, Bush’s proclamation of a “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day” while methampethamine use continues to increase rapidly, quite literally destroying whole communities in America, is an absolutely classic Bush administration response to a serious issue. You can almost hear one of Bush’s less popular domestic advisors cautiously mentioning that meth is, uh, ya know, sort of a gigantic fucking problem and that, uh, gee, Mr. President, maybe we should, like, do something about it. And so “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day” was born.
I originally posted this in July 2005:
Many of Bush’s most fervent supporters love to see Bush as Ronald Regan’s heir apparent—a straight-talkin’, no-nonsense cowboy who draws a hard line when dealing with perceived external threats to Americans and who isn’t afraid to claim both God and the flag for his own. Never did the comparisons flow so freely as when Reagan died last year, and while the Right waxed rhapsodic about the man who carried on their torch, the Left drew unflattering comparisons between the two administrations’ soaring deficits, cynical pandering to conservative evangelicals, and ignoring of a deepening AIDS crisis—Reagan’s blind eye turned to America; Bush’s to Africa.
Reading Newsweek’s cover story of their August 8 issue this morning, “America’s Most Dangerous Drug,” I realized that there was yet another comparison that begged to be made. As Reagan spent much of his administration ignoring (and, indeed, exploiting) the chronic problem of cocaine and crack use in America, his best stab at combating the problem an ineffectual campaign summed up in three words: Just Say No, Bush steadfastly insists on making marijuana the centerpiece of his war on drugs, while methamphetamine ravages America from sea to shining sea.
The dubious hook upon which the administration hangs its dogged focus on marijuana is the oft-cited assertion that pot is a gateway drug, even though studies have shown convincing evidence to the contrary.
The Bush administration has made marijuana the major focus of its anti-drug efforts, both because there are so many users (an estimated 15 million Americans) and because it considers pot a "gateway" to the use of harder substances. "If we can get a child to 20 without using marijuana, there is a 98 percent chance that the child will never become addicted to any drug," says White House Deputy Drug Czar Scott Burns, of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. "While it may come across as an overemphasis on marijuana, you don't wake up when you're 25 and say, 'I want to slam meth!' " But those fighting on the front lines say the White House is out of touch. "It hurts the federal government's credibility when they say marijuana is the No. 1 priority," says Deputy District Attorney Mark McDonnell, head of narcotics in Portland, Ore., which has been especially hard hit. Meth, he says, "is an epidemic and a crisis unprecedented."Meth users are flooding into American rehab programs and jails; so pervasive in the problem in some areas that local newspapers are beginning to run meth round-ups. The Mail Tribune in Jackson County, Oregon compiles weekly local meth stats to demonstrate the effects of meth on the community. The July 6 edition includes:
Arrests — Nine people were arrested last week and lodged in the Jackson County Jail on meth-related charges. Seven were arrested for possessing meth; one was arrested for possessing, manufacturing and delivering meth; and one was arrested for possessing meth and manufacturing and delivering the controlled substance within 1,000 feet of a school. Four arrests were in conjunction with other criminal charges.Meth babies are the new crack babies, as 40% of child-welfare officials surveyed by the National Association of Counties reported an increase in out-of-home placements last year due to meth. Social services, law enforcement agencies, and drug rehabilitation programs struggle mightily against a lack of resources to combat the exploding problem of methamphetamine use, related crime, and meth manufacture, the latter of which is also of grave concern for the environment, with five pounds of toxic waste resulting for every pound of meth produced.
[…]
Child welfare — The local child welfare office of the state’s department of human services removed 12 children from six homes last week and placed them into protective custody, in part, due to meth use in the family.
While these problems exponentially multiply in every region of the country, from rural areas to urban centers, the Bush administration drags its feet:
The drug czar's office hasn't made any legislative proposals, or weighed in on any of those coming from Capitol Hill; officials there say they want to get a better sense of what works before throwing their weight around. Members of Congress whose districts have been ravaged by the drug are forcing the issue: the ranks of the House's bipartisan "meth caucus" have swelled from just four founding members in 2000 to 118 today, and the group has been fighting the administration's efforts to cut federal spending on local law enforcement.When the completely batshit insane Mark Souder sounds like the voice of reason, you know this is a serious, serious problem.
[…]
On the Hill last week, the deputy drug czar walked into a buzz saw, as members vented their frustration over his office's level of attention to the problem. "This isn't the way you tackle narcotics," said GOP Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana. "How many years do we have to see the same pattern at an increasing rate in the United States until there's something where we have concrete recommendations, not another cotton-pickin' meeting? ... This committee is trying desperately to say, 'Lead!' "
--------------
Nothing much has changed since then—except for the meth problem, which has gotten worse. Connecticut, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York still have the lowest rates of meth users, as the meth phenomenon has largely swept west to east, but availability of meth along the East Coast is increasing. Legislation to strictly regulate purchases of over-the-counter pseudoephedrine-based cold medicines has, besides making allergy- and cold-sufferers’ lives more complicated, successfully reduced the number of small “Mom & Pop” meth labs, but that doesn’t address the demand for the drug—so there is increased drug trafficking from Mexican meth superlabs. Less local yokel production and distribution; more organized gang activity, as gangs get rich serving as middle men between drug cartels and street users. And no fewer users. In other words, the problem is just morphing, not going away.
And the best Bush has got is a Day of Awareness? Fuck. If child welfare agencies were removing an alarming number of children from homes due to violent video game use in the family, or wanton flag-burning in the family, we’d have a Constitutional amendment in no time and money for prevention would flow like Niagra Falls. But meth use? Eh. A Day of Awareness oughta do it.
The speed of meme
Remember that lame science experiment you performed in grade school? You know, the baking soda and vinegar volcano? "C minus," intoned your teacher, shaking her head. Well, here's your shot at redemption. Scott Eric Kaufman at Acephalous is attempting to impress the Modern Language Association by quantifying an answer to that age-old (actually, fairly new) question: What is the speed of meme?
People write in general (typically truimphant) terms about how swiftly a single voice can travel from one side of the internet to the other and back again, but how often does that actually happen? Of those instances, how often is it organic?Most memes, I'd wager, are only superficially organic: beginning small, they acquire minor prominence among low-traffic blogs before being picked up by a high-traffic one, from which many more low-traffic blogs snatch them. Contra blog-triumphal models of memetic bootstrapping, I believe most memes are—to borrow a term from Daniel Dennett's rebuttal of punctuated equilibrium—"skyhooked" into prominence by high-traffic blogs.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. The important thing is that he needs about a jillion people to link to his post along with a brief description of his grand experiment. Oh, and be sure to ping Technorati manually, unless your blog's settings do so automagically or something. Go ahead, do it. You'll finally be able to put that grade school humiliation behind you once and for all.
(Cross-posted in the name of, you know, science and shit.)
From Orwell to Kafka
Yet I predict by the end of all this, we’ll be thinking Lewis Carroll, and not in a good way. Anyway…
The Bush administration unconstitutionally denied aid to tens of thousands of Gulf Coast residents displaced by hurricanes Katrina and Rita and must resume payments immediately, a federal judge ordered yesterday.Good lord. Meanwhile, FEMA says they may appeal. Of course they will.
U.S. District Judge Richard J. Leon said the Federal Emergency Management Agency created a "Kafkaesque" process that began cutting off rental aid in February to victims of the 2005 storms, did not provide clear reasons for the denials, and hindered applicants' due-process rights to fix errors or appeal government mistakes.
"It is unfortunate, if not incredible, that FEMA and its counsel could not devise a sufficient notice system to spare these beleaguered evacuees the added burden of federal litigation to vindicate their constitutional rights," Leon, a D.C. federal judge, wrote in a 19-page opinion.
"Free these evacuees from the 'Kafkaesque' application process they have had to endure," he wrote.
A Quick Study
Reporters are hereby alerted that a report on the report is here. The report on the report of the study will now be studied. Welcome to the doorway of the anteroom of the foyer of the room where the people who have decided on some decisions will now pass them along to The Decider who is still in charge of those who have been charged to advise him with advice he will promptly decide to look over while people look over his shoulder and once they are not looking, he will promptly disgard them.
The troops will pull back but not so far that Bush will feel pushed. Bush will push on and will never pull our troops off the battlefield even as he wishes he could pull news of the troops on the battlefield, pull them off the front pages of the newspapers. Bush needs this shooting war even if it only proves he has shot himself in the ass. A Global War on Terror Everything TM without bullets and blood and bombs going off must be tied to Iraq or Bush would be tied to a terror without much bang.
Um? "Whatever other cliches are currently available for the situation?" Sob, sob:"the wisdom of the Baker group is revealed in an officially unofficial way."
Don't tell Murtha:"It's basically a redeployment."
Did somebody say base intentions?
Study Note Number One from Mike Allen (R-TIME magazine): "Bush's aides have begun to chafe at the idea that Baker is needed as some sort of savior for Iraq."
Let’s Not Call It Cut and Run…
…let’s call it Trim and Saunter:
The bipartisan Iraq Study Group reached a consensus on Wednesday on a final report that will call for a gradual pullback of the 15 American combat brigades now in Iraq but stop short of setting a firm timetable for their withdrawal, according to people familiar with the panel’s deliberations.You know, I think the jig is up. Most of America knows that Bush is an asshole and a moron and a failure, so there’s really no point in protracting our occupation of Iraq to accommodate a pointless tap-dance around the semantics of what we should call tendering our surrender to the unstoppable forces of civil war we’ve unleashed there. It doesn’t matter if you call it Gradual Pullback, Cut and Run, or Presto Chango Redeployo—Bush will still be the asshole and the moron and the failure who got us into this mess on a pack of lies and has been chanting “Stay the Course” ever since. All the shuffle-ball-changes in the world cannot salvage the tatters of his ruinous legacy, so let's just cut the bullshit and get a move on, all right?
The report, unanimously approved by the 10-member panel, led by James A. Baker III and Lee H. Hamilton, is to be delivered to President Bush next week.
…Mr. Bush has rejected … withdrawal, declaring in Riga, Latvia, on Tuesday that while he will show flexibility, “there’s one thing I’m not going to do: I’m not going to pull the troops off the battlefield before the mission is complete.”
Commission members have said in recent days that they had to navigate around such declarations, or, as one said, “We had to move the national debate from whether to stay the course to how do we start down the path out.”
The Meme of 50
Via Kona and Jack...
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Hmm…probably something like “I’m fucking 32 and getting gray hair. Can I stop getting zits now?”
2. How much cash do you have on you? Like three bucks in change.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” Boor.
4. Favorite planet? Earth, although my answer may change once I’m no longer dependent on its atmosphere for my very survivial and shit.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Mr. Furious.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? You Have Killed Me by Morrissey.
7. What shirt are you wearing? A green tanktop.
8. Do you “label” yourself? Yes. Here’s my label:
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? I’m currently wearing pink slippers I bought at the drugstore for $7.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Depends on the purpose.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Kona broke the mold. Like, with a sledge hammer. Jack would spend endless hours carefully gluing it back together if he thought it would make the world thismuch better.
12. What does your watch look like? Very still, since its battery needs to be replaced.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Crawling into bed.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? I can’t even remember, although I’m fairly certain it was from my girlfriend Miller, who seems to be the only person I know who texts.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? No idea. The only one I can think of is across from Roscoe’s in Chicago.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? Wev.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Mr. Shakes.
18. Last furry thing you touched? Matilda. Or Olivia.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Two.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? None.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 32. I always tend to be content with where I am, and I like getting older.
22. Your worst enemy? An aversion to asking for help when I need it.
23. What is your current desktop picture? Tim Gunn: “Make it work!”
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? “I love you.”
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? What the eff kind of question is this? Yes. I do. Lots of someones.
27. The last song you listened to? Girl Don’t Come by Sandie Shaw.
28. What time of day were you born? 10:57pm.
29. What’s your favorite number? Ï€
30. Where did you live in 1987? Same place I live now, though I’ve lived elsewhere in between.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Nope. I’ve never really seen the point.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? I certainly hope not.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work on the 12th floor of a highrise on the Mag Mile in Chicago.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Grumble and complain.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? I don’t consider myself unkind. Sometimes I’m kind; sometimes I’m just fair. Often those are the same thing, but not always.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Dunno.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.
39. Are you touchy feely? With people I know. I don’t particularly like being touched by strangers.
40. What’s your life motto? Tears in a bucket; motherfuckit.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? My wedding band, my glasses or contacts (on or nearby), and my rapier wit.
42. What’s your favourite town/city? Chicago, New York, Edinburgh, London…like I can pick just one.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Parking.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Not terribly long ago. I write letters to my Londoner Andy all the time and then never mail them because I’m a lazy sod. I end up telling him everything on the phone before I manage to send the letters.
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Yep.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? My first love is someone with whom I’m still friends. We just went out, along with our respective partners, to a movie together over Thanksgiving weekend.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? Different generations depending on what branch of the family tree.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Dress fancy?! LOL. I think my hot outfit of a green tanktop, pinstriped trousers, and pink slippers is pretty damn fancy.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Yeah, a cyst on my bloody spinal cord that I’ve had since I was 16. It’s flaring up at the moment and driving me batshit insane.
50. Have you been burned by love? No, but I’ve definitely been frozen.
Question of the Day
Edging closer to Oscar season, it's a good time to ask again: What's the best film you've seen so far this year? Any other notable performances?
Daily Highlights
Paul the Spud: Power Hungry Doesn’t Begin to Cover It
Shakes: Webb v. Bush / Spud: Webb v. Bush
Shakes: Damn Activist Judges
Paul the Spud: Your Liberal Media in Action
Shakes: RIP Dave Cockrum
The Heretik: Dumbass du Jour
Shakes: Revenge of the Peace Wreath!
Shakes: W Still Not Standing for Women
Paul the Spud: God is my Co-Pilot
Shakes: On Cunts
On Cunts
[Content Note: Misogynistic and homophobic language and slurs.]
So, Pachacutec wrote a post at FDL calling Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher a whore (Zuzu's got a good fisking of the post) with which Tom Watson took exception, pointing out that with the very real possibility the Democrats "will be running a woman for President in less than 20 months" and the reality that Nancy Pelosi is currently the top elected Dem official in the nation, perhaps it's not exactly what one might call wise to rely on misogyny to critique women. He's right, of course—not only does it perpetuate a culture in which women are so easily marginalized just because they're women, but it also cedes high ground we'll surely need while the Speaker is a woman, no less if the Dem nominee is.
One might think that wouldn't be a controversial suggestion, but only because it's easy to forget that there are still people who will argue from here to eternity in defense of their right to use with impunity sexist language and imagery to demean women.
Pachacutec could have just said "Yeah, I called her a whore. So what? Fuck you." to anyone who disagreed with that language. To paraphrase Tammy Wynette, stand by your sexism. But instead, the argument became, as it always does, that the language wasn't sexist at all, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a hypersensitive, hysterical loser. Tom was deemed "Ned Flanders," and Pachacutec told him to "Face it. We do punk rock posts and you're into Guy Lombardo." All I can say is that if punk is challenging the comfortable conventions of the bourgeoisie, there's almost nothing less punk than demeaning a woman by calling her a whore and pretending it's not sexist. That's the Milli Vanilli of blogging—derivative and radio-ready, pretending to be something it ain't.
No one ever wondered if sexism would play in Peoria, know what I mean? As Neddie says, "The most revolutionary act you can perform in this fell, death-infected year 2006 is to act like a goddamned adult."
Anyway, things were further complicated when Watson updated his post to point to another posting at FDL in which TRex called conservative pundit Laura Ingraham a cunt. When the word was then removed, Watson noted: "The grown-ups at FDL have been busy. The C-word has been edited out of the post," to which TRex responded in Tom's comments:
That was my decision, Tom. I decided I would rather refer to Miss Ingraham as a Bitch Troll from Hell.Wow. Suffice it to say, any and all resulting discussion which defended the use of that word via reclamation of cunt doesn’t really bloody matter a whit when the word is used is an insult, even if it is by a gay man "with feminist politics out the wazoo." Sort of like how being a feminist woman with LGBT support out the wazoo doesn't confer upon me the right (lack of desire notwithstanding) to call a gay man "a miserable little f----t" if I disagree with him. It just doesn't work that way. (See Piny’s excellent post on how the use of the word in TRex's original post and comment to Tom is not covered by reclamation.) The whole "I support reproductive rights, so I can't possibly be a sexist" argument is the vaguely tuned-in crowd's version of "I've got a black friend, so I can't possibly be a racist." It sounds a bit better, but it's just as fucking stupid—which is why I was disappointed when Jane Hamsher showed up to defend her two contributors in precisely this way: "Nothing either [Pachacutec or TRex] has ever written has been even slightly mysoginistic [sic]; both have gone to extraordinary lengths to support choice, registration of women voters, and the elevation of female voices and leadership both in the blogosphere and the Democratic party. This attack is hyperbolic and erected on straw."
You, on the other hand, are a miserable little cunt.
Well, no. It was erected on one of them criticizing a female politico by calling her a whore, and the other of them criticizing a female pundit by calling her a cunt.
Jane doesn’t want FDL to become "a slave to the PC language police who want to mau-mau it into sterility by throwing around loaded and innacurate [sic] race- and gender-baiting accusations," which I understand, because I use the word cunt—and have defended its use on multiple occasions. But there are ways to use words and there are ways to use words—and knowing the difference, rooting out the subversive context from that which simply perpetuates oppression, is not enslaving oneself to language police; it's doing the basic work required of someone who wants to be edgy, rather than a retrofuck jackhole.
I love the word cunt. I use it like it's going out of style, mostly when referring to my own or referring to myself. I love it when some dude calls me a cunt intending to deliver the ultimate insult, and I can effortlessly take the wind out of his sails by replying, "Fucking right I am. Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, and don’t you forget it, son." I'm all for reclaiming that shit—but reclaiming it is about wearing it yourself and wielding it ironically, which is necessarily as a compliment, not an insult. If I call my girlfriend "a beautiful cunt" for expertly handling a sexist prig, that's got reappropriative power. If I call her "a dumb cunt" because she does something foolish, not so much.
Sometimes in the past I have used cunt as an insult. (When CNN invited Ann Coulter to comment on the 2004 presidential debates, I sniffed, "I didn’t realize they had officially transformed into the Cunt News Network.") I'm not defending it; I can't. If someone had called me on it, they'd have been right, because, let's face it, I love using the word that way. I love its power to demean so neatly, so economically, and so completely. It has so much gorgeous power that it's almost irresistible. And any argument I tried to use to defend my right to call someone a cunt—not ironically, not as a compliment—would be total and complete bullshit. I wouldn’t possibly try to claim that using it that way isn't nasty, when the reason I love it is because it is.
So I know damn well if I call someone a cunt to demean them, I'm going to get taken the woodshed, and rightfully so, and if I try to rationalize it, I'm full of shit. There it is.
And anyone who's interested in being honest will admit that they feel exactly the same way when they use cunt as an insult, or wax rhapsodic about a member of Congress wiping corporate cum from her lips with a cocktail napkin. They feel good. They feel potent unleashing such powerful weapons. It's, like, totally punk and shit.
Except, of course, that it isn't. It’s mean and indefensible. And misogynist. No matter from whom it’s coming. Even a gay man with otherwise stellar feminist credentials. Even from a feminist. Even from Queen Cunt herself.
[Note: This post was updated on September 12, 20123 to remove language I've since reconsidered as part of growing in my own feminism. A content note was also added.]
Drivin' for Jesus, Drivin' for Jesus, Makin' all the Lights!
When the luscious and delightfully devilish Blue Gal sends you an email entitled "This is how bad it can get in Alabama," you know you'd better sit up and take notice.
As we all know, wingnuts love to get into hysterics about their perceived threats to America as a "Christian Nation." The Heretik's Dumbass du Jour got all bent out of shape about this, wailing that a Muslim taking his oath of office using the Koran somehow "undermines American civilization," while seeming to forget about little American details. These are the same "War on Christmas" people that are convinced if someone says "Happy Holidays" to them, the next thing they will do is force them to light a Menorah at gunpoint.
Of course, there are subtle ways of keeping America "Christian," and one way of doing that is by sneaking a little state-sponsored religion in right under people's noses and onto the rear ends of their cars. (More below the fold.)But while the "W" stickers are waning, they have been replaced with something far more pernicious, in my opinion. Ladies and Gentleman, presenting Alabama's God Bless America License Plate:
Yeah, Christianity being erased from public life is something we really need to worry about in this country. It will be interesting to see if someone sues the state over this. Can you imagine the uproar if they had a similar Muslim plate?
I was just gonna comment how awful that jingo supporters of Bush have found a way to sneak in state-sponsored religion. Aw, isn't this just like "In God We Trust" on the money? Don't get me started. I'M A CHRISTIAN, GOD DAMMIT, AND THIS IS FUCKING OFFENSIVE TO ME.
Deep cleansing breaths.
So I'm looking up the image of this plate from the DMV and just guess what I find out. "God Bless America" is a STANDARD LICENSE PLATE. That means when you go in to get a plain old regular license plate you have a choice. You can get a passenger car plate, a motorcycle plate, a truck plate, a permanent trailer plate, or...a God Bless America plate. Go see for yourself. It's the only standard plate with a message, apart from "Stars fell on Alabama" (great song). No extra charge for God Bless America, and you get to choose it as a default at the Department of Motor Vehicles. No waiting. They will HAND YOU ONE from a pile when you pay the standard fee. No wonder I saw no fewer than eight of these on the school carpool run this morning.
I see stuff like this and I'm really tempted to run for Congress as a prank. I'd just put something in my positions on the issues regarding "eliminating tax exempt status for religious organizations" just to see how extreme the hysteria would become. Of course, I don't, because I enjoy breathing.
Meanwhile, Illinois' standard license plates include two that are, to me, relevant and important: "Persons with Disabilities" (Alabama also has one of these) and "Hearing Impaired." They've even got one for ham radio and "antique vehicle." It's only in the specialty license plates where we begin to see any flag waving with the "America Remembers" plate:By purchasing the America Remembers License Plates, you help aid victims of terrorism and local governments for training, equipment and other items related to public safety initiatives intended to prevent further acts of terrorism or other disasters or emergency situations in Illinois.
Gee, they managed to salute the victims of 9/11, support public safety, and donate to the September 11th fund without mentioning God once. They must have had rocket scientists working on that plate! I'm sure they stayed away from statements like "God Bless America" because religious sentiment has no place on state license plates. That's what bumper stickers are for.
There is a $40 original issuance fee, $25 of this fee is donated to the September 11th Fund, and also a $27 additional fee at renewal, with $25 of this fee being donated to the September 11th Fund.
Oops, sorry, bumper magnets. Wouldn't want to apply any permanence to that sentiment on your slick paint job.
Hmm... Illinois has a "pet friendly" plate. I'll have to remember that.
Anyway, BlueGal continues with one of the weirdest license plates I've ever seen; I seriously thought she was throwing it in there as a prank at first. It's the "Atomic Nuked" plate.Get this: If you are a veteran who was exposed to an atomic bomb blast in the line of duty, you have to pay three dollars to get a special plate for yourself. I looked this up because I thought it was sort of odd that in the price list it says, "Nuked Veteran." Nuked, like the noodles I had for lunch. They wouldn't actually put that on a license plate, though, and then charge three dollars to someone who was exposed to nuclear radiation defending our country, for the privilege of having it on his/her car...
Oh, but indeed they do, Virginia... along with the insulting description, "Atomic Nuked."
As I said to Blue Gal, "Gee, I wonder if they'll have a 'Limbless Veteran' one?" You know, since we're being all sensitive and everything.
Nahh, that'll have to be a bumper sticker, too. They can put it next to the "I went to Iraq and all I got was this lousy disfigurement" one, along with the "Benefits-Slashed Veteran" one. It's a nice way to decorate your home when you're living out of your car.
(He just smiled and gave me a cross-post sandwich...)
Oh for crying out loud…
Every fucking day it’s some new assault on decency with this bullshit administration whose only competency appears to be wanton assholery. Following on the heels of Bush appointing a total wanker to oversee Title X funding, now Mary Beth Buchanan, an anti-porn crusader called "the vanguard of Ashcroft’s attempt to impose his morality on others," has been appointed to be the acting director of the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women. As Jessica says, get ready for funds meant for violence prevention "being diverted to conservative anti-obscenity groups under the rhetoric of protecting women."
Awesome. In related news, Sean Connery has been hired as spokesperson for Bush’s new "W is for Women" Outreach program.*
* Not really, but that shit totally seems possible, doesn’t it?
Peace Out Back In
Remember this story about the couple who were being fined by their homeowners’ association for hanging a peace wreath? Well, not only have the fines been dropped, but the entire association board has resigned and now the whole town is peacing it up big time.
Two board members have disconnected their telephones, apparently to escape the waves of callers asking what the board could have been thinking, residents said. The third board member, with a working phone, did not return a call for comment.Awesome. And stepping in to “help form an interim homeowners’ association” is a former association president who also happens to be a veteran willing to “fight for anyone’s right to free speech, peace symbols included.”
…[T]here are now more peace symbols in Pagosa Springs, a town of 1,700 people 200 miles southwest of Denver, than probably ever in its history.
On Tuesday morning, 20 people marched through the center carrying peace signs and then stomped a giant peace sign in the snow perhaps 300 feet across on a soccer field, where it could be easily seen.
…Town Manager Mark Garcia said Pagosa Springs was building its own peace wreath, too. Mr. Garcia said it would be finished by late Tuesday and installed on a bell tower in the center of town.
Fuck how I love it when right-wing intolerance backfires so spectacularly.
(Thanks to Shaker Tanya for passing along the update.)
Dumbass du Jour
Get back on the meds, Dennis Prager.
Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran.
He should not be allowed to do so -- not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization.
What part of the America does Dennis Prager not understand? Most of it.
Forgive me, but America should not give a hoot what Keith Ellison's favorite book is. Insofar as a member of Congress taking an oath to serve America and uphold its values is concerned, America is interested in only one book, the Bible. If you are incapable of taking an oath on that book, don't serve in Congress.
Forgive me, but Dennis Prager is nominated as All American Dumbass du Jour. Who do you nominate today?
RIP Dave Cockrum
And thank you:
Wearing Superman pajamas and covered with his Batman blanket, comic book illustrator Dave Cockrum died Sunday.(Via After School Matt.)
The 63-year-old overhauled the X-Men comic and helped popularize the relatively obscure Marvel Comics in the 1970s. He helped turn the title into a publishing sensation and major film franchise.
Cockrum died in his favorite chair at his home in Belton, South Carolina, after a long battle with diabetes and related complications, his wife Paty Cockrum said Tuesday.
…Many signature characters Cockrum designed and co-created -- such as Storm, Mystique, Nightcrawler and Colossus -- went on to become part of the "X-Men" films starring Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry.
Cockrum received no movie royalties, said family friend Clifford Meth, who organized efforts to help Cockrum and his family during his protracted medical care.
"Dave saw the movie and he cried -- not because he was bitter," Meth said. "He cried because his characters were on screen and they were living."
Wednesday Blogwhoring
Sock it to me, cats.
Arlen says Bill Frist will announce today he's not running in '08. More comedy gold, down the turd tunnel. Oh well.
Damn Activist Judges
This is very good news:
A federal judge struck down President Bush's authority to designate groups as terrorists, saying his post-Sept. 11 executive order was unconstitutional and vague.Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for checks and balances—although it’s disturbing that limiting the president’s “unfettered discretion” keeps coming down to one woman. (Collins has ruled against Bush-issued Executive Orders before and invalidated parts of the Patriot Act two years ago.) It would be preferable if the Congress could have stopped giving it to him in the first place.
Some parts of the Sept. 24, 2001 order tagging 27 groups and individuals as "specially designated global terrorists" were too vague and could impinge on First Amendment rights of free association, U.S. District Judge Audrey Collins said.
The order gave the president "unfettered discretion" to label groups without giving them a way to challenge the designations, she said in a Nov. 21 ruling that was made public Tuesday.
The ruling was praised by David Cole, a lawyer for the Washington, D.C.-based Center for Constitutional Rights, who represented the plaintiff Humanitarian Law Project.What a concept.
It "says that even in fighting terrorism the president cannot be given a blank check to blacklist anyone he considers a bad guy or a bad group and you can't imply guilt by association," Cole said.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the bill that eradicated habeas corpus and broadly defined “enemy combatant,” but it’s encouraging that Bush’s authority to designate groups as terrorists is being limited, in light of the NIE that referred ominously to “leftist groups” who may “adopt terrorist methods to attack US interests.” Anything that checks in any way the president’s ability to define ideological opponents in whatever framework he chooses is very good.
And, though they won’t be, the people who ought to be happiest about precisely these kinds of limitations are the Bush Conservatives busily building up massive blog archives full of eliminationist rhetoric aimed at liberals. Someday, there’s going to be a liberal in the Oval Office again, and anyone sitting on a mountain of “jokes” about killing liberals probably doesn’t want that liberal president having the authority to deem as terrorists anyone she or he wishes.
Ed Rogers: Greaseball
Nice. Be prepared for scads of this in the next few years. After their humiliating defeat, the unctuous conservatives are going to be pulling out all of the stops.
Your "Liberal Media" in action. Bring back the Fairness Doctrine! The fact that this buttfor can sit there and spout this garbage, unchallenged, is ridiculous.
"Nobody knows anything about him." Jesus. Because he does so much hiding from the spotlight, right Rogers?
Don't Fuck with the Bubble
Looks like Prezint Touchy McCrankypants is getting upset that his fabricated war isn't the non-stop blowjob he was convinced it was going to be. Goldarn it, where's that constant praise I'm used to?
President Bush has pledged to work with the new Democratic majorities in Congress, but he has already gotten off on the wrong foot with Jim Webb, whose surprise victory over Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) tipped the Senate to the Democrats.Or, "Don't remind me that I'm a failure, you!"
Webb, a decorated former Marine officer, hammered Allen and Bush over the unpopular war in Iraq while wearing his son’s old combat boots on the campaign trail. It seems the president may have some lingering resentment.
At a private reception held at the White House with newly elected lawmakers shortly after the election, Bush asked Webb how his son, a Marine lance corporal serving in Iraq, was doing.
Webb responded that he really wanted to see his son brought back home, said a person who heard about the exchange from Webb.
“I didn’t ask you that, I asked how he’s doing,” Bush retorted, according to the source.
Webb confessed that he was so angered by this that he was tempted to slug the commander-in-chief, reported the source, but of course didn’t. It’s safe to say, however, that Bush and Webb won’t be taking any overseas trips together anytime soon.
Bipartisanship!
Reaching across the aisle!
Supporting the troops!
What a guy!
UPDATE: D'oh! Psychic mind-meld!
More Update: Bobby sez:
Here's a bit of unsolicited advice for Mr. Webb: if the White House offers you a "fact-finding" trip to Guantanamo Bay, don't go.
(Energy Dome tip to C&L. Creamy cross-post goodness.)
Webb v. Bush: The Smackdown
One of our new Democratic Senators gives Bush a little attitude of the sort that doesn’t typically penetrate his precious wee bubble:
At a recent White House reception for freshman members of Congress, Virginia's newest senator tried to avoid President Bush. Democrat James Webb declined to stand in a presidential receiving line or to have his picture taken with the man he had often criticized on the stump this fall. But it wasn't long before Bush found him.Snap! You just know that Bush thought he could jolly-jolly Webb by asking about his son, because, in the hand-picked crowds through which he usually travels, parents with serving children universally support the war and its commander-in-chief, and having the president merely ask about their kids is an honor. And when Webb, who’s served in the military at its highest levels and is thusly not impressed into awed submission by being near a president, refused to let Bush ingratiate himself with a casual inquiry, but instead used the opportunity to tell Bush he wants all the sons and daughters home, Bush got all pissy.
"How's your boy?" Bush asked, referring to Webb's son, a Marine serving in Iraq.
"I'd like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President," Webb responded, echoing a campaign theme.
"That's not what I asked you," Bush said. "How's your boy?"
"That's between me and my boy, Mr. President," Webb said coldly, ending the conversation on the State Floor of the East Wing of the White House.
That’s not what I asked you. Which really means: Play the fucking game, Webb. I’m the goddamned president, and I make the rules, and you’re supposed to tell me ‘my boy is fine, sir’. Now let’s try this again. How’s your boy?
And Webb, who The Hill reports was so pissed off by that he “was tempted to slug” Bush, still didn’t play along. Good for him. And let it be a lesson to the rest of the Democrats. Don’t give him an inch for the next two years—and take every one you can.
"Power Hungry" Doesn't Begin to Cover it
-What do you wanna do today, Dick?-The same thing we do every day, Bushy. Try to take over the world!
-Narf!
The Boston Globe has an excellent article up detailing Dick Cheney's ongoing Executive power grab that's been going on since the Nixon years.
The Iran-contra scandal was not the first time the future vice president articulated a philosophy of unfettered executive power -- nor would it be the last. The Constitution empowers Congress to pass laws regulating the executive branch, but over the course of his career, Cheney came to believe that the modern world is too dangerous and complex for a president's hands to be tied. He embraced a belief that presidents have vast "inherent" powers, not spelled out in the Constitution, that allow them to defy Congress.Indeed; he's got his little dictatorship moving along nicely, and he's not about to give that up without a fight. Give it a look.
Cheney bypassed acts of Congress as defense secretary in the first Bush administration. And his office has been the driving force behind the current administration's hoarding of secrets, its efforts to impose greater political control over career officials, and its defiance of a law requiring the government to obtain warrants when wiretapping Americans. Cheney's staff has also been behind President Bush's record number of signing statements asserting his right to disregard laws.
[...]
Peter Shane, an Ohio State University law professor, predicted that Cheney's long career of consistently pushing against restrictions on presidential power is likely to culminate in a series of uncompromising battles with Congress.
"Cheney has made this a matter of principle," Shane said. "For that reason, you are likely to hear the words 'executive privilege' over and over again during the next two years."
Of course, the same question always pops in my head when I read something like this: "Where the hell was this article in 2004? Hell, in 2000?"
(They're Pinky and the Cross-post...)
Question of the Day
What one thing do you want to learn that you haven't yet? Another language? A musical instrument? A skill? A sport?
There's very little I wouldn't want to learn, given the time and opportunity, but at the top of the list has to be learning Spanish, knitting, and bellydancing.
Mr. Shakes says his list is topped by learning Spanish, ballroom dancing, and carpentry.
[Aside: One of the things I most admire about Mr. Shakes is that he can learn absolutely anything he puts his mind to, and learn it almost instantly. In the time I've known him, he's taught himself how to lay hardwood floors, Latin, and all kinds of other junk. Right now, he's reading a book on how to build a computer, and I'm quite certain when he's done, he'll know how to build one. I also taught him how to read music and pick out a simple tune on the piano in about a week and a half. It's sort of disgusting, really.]
Daily Highlights
Shakes: Rummy’s Long Goodbye
Shakes: Diplomatic Massage
Shakes: Does Congressional Oversight make you horny, baby? Does it?
Shakes: Psychotics 4 Bush!
The Heretik: Mything in Action
The Heretik: This is the End, My Friend
Shakes: Teddy Bear Killaz
Shakes: Cat Fight! Cat Fight!
Shakes: Christian Coalition is Just a Hate Group, Period
Paul the Spud: Sex Offender Registry Still Not Working
Shakes: Gingrich Blowzzz
Newt: Still An Asshole
In case anyone was suffering under the misapprehension that Newt Gingrich is no longer an asshole, Newt would like to assure you that he most certainly is (via):
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich yesterday said the country will be forced to reexamine freedom of speech to meet the threat of terrorism.Uh huh. He said all this, by the way, at "the annual Nackey S. Loeb First Amendment award dinner, which fetes people and organizations that stand up for freedom of speech." It’s cool how people who are short on ethics tend to make up for it by having no shortage of irony.
Gingrich, speaking at a Manchester awards banquet, said a "different set of rules" may be needed to reduce terrorists' ability to use the Internet and free speech to recruit and get out their message.
Newt then went on to complain about those daggum activist judges:
He also said court rulings over separation of church and state have hurt citizens' ability to express themselves and their faith.Not practice their faith; express their faith—which one might suggest has less to do with freedom of religion than it does with freedom of speech, if one didn’t know that what he really means is legislate their faith anyway.
In any case, one wonders how Gingrich plans to limit the rights of free speech and internet use to stop terrorism while simultaneously expanding the rights of religious expression, in the light of the fact that the terrorist groups by which the US is most threatened are religious in nature. And I’m not just talking about Islamic fundamentalists, but also about the Christian fundamentalists who enjoy doing things like murdering doctors who provide abortions and blowing up clinics. In spite of the fact that they’re also quite likely to complain about court rulings over separation of church and state limiting their religious freedom, is Newt ready to limit their speech? Ban protestors at abortion clinics? Bar vociferous pro-lifers from the internets, just in case…? What about these groups?
Oh right, I forgot. As long as you’re a Christian kook, an American kook, it doesn’t matter—which is why 9/11 "changed everything" but 4/19 didn’t.
I'm Cold, and There are Wolves After Me
As many of you know, I've taken on the bucket of sleaze MSNBC series, "To Catch A Predator," in a few very long-winded posts. (The disclaimer in both of these posts still applies, natch. Please don't accuse me of supporting pedophiles.)
Part the First
Part the Second
Part the Third
Part the Fourth
In the second post, I expressed my concern that shows like "Predator" combined with the general hysteria and hand-wringing over "child molesters" that is currently getting a lot of airplay would eventually lead to a witch hunt mentality that would be good for no one. In the third, I showed how this very mentality resulted in a very real death. The fourth showed a "creative" punishment for a sex offender that would probably lead to a "creative" beating.
A major component of this issue is the fact that the term "registered sex offender" has become synonymous with "pedophile." Needless to say, the terms are hardly interchangeable. That, combined with the extremely elastic and vague definition for R.S.O.s, is trouble waiting to happen.
Well, guess what? Some new feel-good, "keeping our children safe" legislation is starting to cause problems. Apparently, draconian "one size fits all" laws aren't exactly a magical band-aid that will heal all wounds. Go figure. (Bolds mine)
Some Curbs on Sex Offenders Called Inhumane, IneffectiveAs convicted sex offenders go, they seem to pose little danger.
And there's the money quote. "Public fears" might not be quite so intense if shows like "Predator" weren't fanning the flames of hysteria; making it seem as if every child in America is constantly being approached by potential pedophiles. Having your Secretary of State encourage you to check the Sex Offender registry online might get your paranoia percolating as well. And when the public starts a-yellin, the politicians start a-legislatin'. Well, if it's a nice, family friendly issue that will make you look good during your re-election campaign, that is.
One is 100 years old. Another can barely walk and is in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease. Another is dying of heart disease in a nursing home.
Yet under a new Georgia law, thousands of registered sex offenders, even the old and feeble, could be pushed from their homes and hospices.
"He doesn't really know anything about it," said Ruby Anderson, 77, whose husband was convicted of having sex with a minor in 1997 and, at 81, no longer recognizes members of his family because of Alzheimer's disease. "The trouble is, I just don't know where we can go."
As states around the country have sought in recent years to control the whereabouts of convicted sex offenders, Georgia's law stands out as one of the toughest, a testament to the daunting public fears regarding children's safety.The roughly 10,000 sex offenders living in Georgia have been forbidden to live within 1,000 feet of a school, playground, church or school bus stop. Taken together, the prohibitions place nearly all the homes in some counties off-limits -- amounting, in a practical sense, to banishment.
Got that? This is nothing but running the undesirables out of town. If you're a convicted sex offender - and the nature of your crime isn't important - Keen expressly states he wants to make your life such a living hell, that you'd rather leave the state than try and live your life. Can't afford it? Don't want to leave your job (if you still manage to have one, after being branded with the R.S.O. scarlet letter) or your family? Too old or ill to leave? Or perhaps you're (dare I say it?) innocent?
"My intent personally is to make it so onerous on those that are convicted of these offenses . . . they will want to move to another state," Georgia House Majority Leader Jerry Keen (R), who sponsored the bill, told reporters.
Tough. Get out of our state, you. We don't like your kind around here.
Can you say "cruel and unusual?" Can you say "setting a dangerous precedent?"
I wonder how the good people in Florda, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina and Tennessee feel about Keen's little plan?Since the law's enactment in July, however, a federal judge, human rights advocates and even some of the sheriff's departments that are supposed to enforce the measure have suggested that the zeal for safety may have gone too far.
Exactly. Regardless of how someone may feel about R.S.O.'s, they have to admit that this is simply bad legislation. Not only does it paint minor and major offenses with the same brush, it is, in effect, making it easier for R.S.O.'s to commit another offense. Not to mention that the depression and desperation that goes hand in hand with homelessness would probably increase the chances of more crimes being committed.
The residency law applies not only to sexual predators but to all people registered for sexual crimes, including men and women convicted of having underage consensual sex while in high school.
Advocates for the sex offenders say the law is unfair to people who have served their sentences and been deemed rehabilitated. Many police officers, prosecutors and children's advocates also question whether such measures are effective. Most predators are mobile, after all, and by upending their lives, the law may make them more likely to commit other offenses, critics say.
"We should be concerned when we pass laws for political purposes that are irrational," said Sarah Geraghty, a staff lawyer for the Southern Center for Human Rights, the Atlanta-based group that filed court actions against the law's provisions. "This law will essentially render thousands of ex-offenders homeless, and that's just going to make them harder to monitor."
But hey, if they're not in your state, who gives a fuck, right?This month, Californians voted to bar sex offenders from living within 2,000 feet of schools or parks -- though a federal judge quickly blocked that provision.
Not all sexual offenses are related to children. Placing residence restrictions around these areas is simply playing into the pedophile paranoia that surrounds R.S.O.s and creating a false sense of security for parents. Imposing restrictions doesn't put up magical invisible barriers that somehow keep pedophiles away from schools and parks. And are we expected to believe that pedophiles only approach children at schools and parks, where they are more than likely to be accompanied by an adult? This is a gross example of cheap talk to placate worried parents. And frankly, if I were a parent, I'd be right pissed that Keen apparently took my real concerns so lightly.
In Iowa, which in 2002 became one of the first states to impose residency restrictions, police and prosecutors have united in opposition to the law, saying that it drives offenders underground and that there is "no demonstrated protective effect," according to a statement by the Iowa County Attorneys Association, which represents prosecutors.
"The law was well-intentioned, but we don't see any evidence of a connection between where a person lives and where they might offend," said Corwin R. Ritchie, executive director of the group.
[...]
Enforcing the law consumes lots of law enforcement time, he said, and leads some offenders to list interstate rest stops or Wal-Mart parking lots as their addresses.
"Our concern is that these laws may give a false sense of security," said Carolyn Atwell-Davis, director of legislative affairs for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. "We're not aware of any evidence that residency restrictions have prevented a child from being victimized."
Here are some other folks that might be pretty pissed at Keen right now:Among those swept up under its definition of sex offender are a 26-year-old woman who was caught engaging in oral sex when she was in high school, and a mother of five who was convicted of being a party to a crime of statutory rape because, her indictment alleged, she did not do enough to stop her 15-year-old daughter's sexual activity.
If you have a 15-year-old daughter, what are the chances that you won't live within 1000 feet of a school, playground, church or school bus stop? It's ridiculous that these two women should be lumped in with the worst sex offenders in the first place, but to then give them no other option than to leave the state is vicious. Keen, however, simply can't wait to rub it in how little he cares.Keen and other advocates have defended the legislation, calling it above all an effort to protect children.
Any time a politician says "this is for the children," they really mean "this is for my public image." This law does bugger all to protect children."We felt if we were going to err on any side, we were going to err on the side of protecting the innocent rather than those who have already been convicted," he said.
Again, regardless of the nature of the crime committed, if you're convicted, you're fucked. And if you yourself are innocent of the crime you're convicted of, what then?He has no plans to alter it. As for those who feel it unfairly targets them, he said they can petition the local school board to move the bus stop.
Is he serious? That is a completely snide statement to make; oozing with holier-than-thou contempt. That's the verbal equivalent of kicking them when they're down. Christ, what an asshole.Although the legal actions have focused attention on the rights of convicted sex offenders, he noted, the victims "have been given a life sentence."
What sanctimonious claptrap. Yes, people that are real victims of sexual crimes have been "given a life sentence." However, some of these "crimes" have occurred between consenting adults, and there is no "victim." I simply cannot stand these appalling, heartstring-plucking, family-friendly soundbites that have nothing to do with justice or protection.
"There's not a day goes by, if you pick up a newspaper or turn on the TV, that you don't see these crimes continue to happen," he said.For those affected by the law, however, it seems to have reached too far.
Well, Ms. Anderson, you can go anywhere you like. As long as it isn't in Georgia. I'm sure Jerry Keen has plenty of suggestions. Well, one, anyway.
"Every other block, there's a church," Ruby Anderson said. "Where can we go? I've checked."
Her husband, who was a janitor, was charged with statutory rape in 1996 for having sex with a girl younger than 14. He pleaded guilty on one count and was sentenced to probation, according to Houston County court records.
"At this late date for him, the law is very unfair," Ruby Anderson said. "He doesn't have any recollection of what happened."
(Go to jail. Do not cross-post. Do not collect $200.)
Christian Coalition Declines to Fight Poverty, Go Green
WWJD? Rev. Joel Hunter, president-elect of the powerful Pat Robertson-founded Christian Coalition who was scheduled to assume leadership in the new year, has declined the job, because the group "wouldn't let him expand its agenda beyond opposing abortion and gay marriage."
[H]e had hoped to focus on issues such as poverty and the environment.At what point can we withdraw the tax exempt status from an organization who has essentially admitted that they're just using Christianity as a front for their anti-woman, anti-gay hate group?
"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," said Hunter, a senior pastor at Northland Church in Longwood, Fla.
..."They pretty much said, 'These issues are fine, but they're not our issues, that's not our base,'" Hunter said.
(Thanks to Mike for the heads-up on this story. PEEK-ed.)
You Know What I Find Hilarious?
How there’s been more talk about discrimination against women in the Congressional ranks than I’ve ever heard before, since Nancy Pelosi became the incumbent speaker.
This always happens whenever there’s some notable new female Fortune 500 CEO, too. Suddenly there are all these stories about whether she’s discriminating against other women.
When a straight white man can’t ever seem to find a woman, a gay man, or a man of color for any top positions, it’s always down to the lack of qualified candidates or legitimate policy differences. It’s never—heavens! gasp! no!—that he’s biased. A woman walks into a leadership position and looks poised to pass over another woman for a legitimate policy difference, and she’s instantly a self-loathing misogynist.
Which is not to say that a straight white man isn’t ever the best bloke for a job, or that women are never prejudiced against other women. It’s just to point out how differently these things get treated, depending on the sex of the leader in question.
If you think I’m making much ado about nothing, asking yourself when was the last time you heard the Beltway Gang examining whether Dennis Hastert, or Bill Frist, or even Harry Reid was a sexist…?
Teddy Bear Killaz
There are a whole lot of reasons that I’m glad I’m not a teenager today, starting with the insane security moat they now create in front of stages, and this story forwarded to me by Mama Shakes reminds me of another reason up there at the top of the list, too:
Two students are suing to return to school after they were expelled for making a movie in which evil teddy bears attack a teacher.Oy. That totally sounds like one of the idiotic movies Mr. Furious and I used to make as teenagers. (Also in Indiana!) People were always being killed by stuffed animals in our movies. And who else do teenagers in a small town lampoon but annoying classmates and teachers?
The teenagers were among four students expelled from Knightstown High School over the movie, titled ''The Teddy Bear Master.''
But Knightstown Principal Jim Diagostino and Supt. David McGuire don't see the humor, and note that the teacher who is threatened in the movie has the same last name as a real teacher.
''That's crazy to think that's a threat to anyone,'' said Linda Imel, 42, whose 15-year-old son, Isaac, and his friend Cody Overbay, 16, have filed the suit.
In the movie, the ''teddy bear master'' orders stuffed animals to kill a teacher who had embarrassed him, but students battle the toy beasts, according to court papers.
''It's a 14- or 15-year-old boy's idea of humor,'' said Jackie Suess, an attorney for the ACLU of Indiana, which is representing one of the students.
One of the movies we made was about our insufferably autocratic history teacher whose head was always shoved so firmly up his own arse in a gymnastic feat of self-love that his students regularly accused him of thinking he was God. In the movie, called “Mr. Douglas* is God,” two students (me and this other dude called Dave) die in a car accident and arrive in heaven to find out that the teacher really is God—and that heaven smells like Taco Bell (just like his classroom did).
That probably would have gotten us in a bit of trouble if the administration found out about it (although my parents, who were teachers at the high school and old friends of Mr. Douglas, thought it was hilarious), but not expelled. On the other hand, my girlfriend and I had a long-running series of cartoons about a civics teacher who, much like South Park’s Kenny, died in horrible ways every day. Like, once his colon exploded because it was filled with too many porkchops, another time his own moustache strangled him, another time his limbs each sprouted angels’ wings and flew away to get away from his incessant babbling. We didn’t even choose him because we hated him. He was just easily caricatured, because he had a big square head and a giant moustache, and provided enough irritation during his dreadfully boring class to provoke our sardonic series.
Those quite certainly would have gotten us in trouble, yet we passed them back and forth in his class every damn day, not even being all that surreptitious about it. I don’t think we ever considered how much trouble we’d be in if we got caught. Back then, I sincerely doubt we would have been expelled, because it would have just been considered incredibly rude and impertinent, which it was, and not automatically assumed to be threatening, which it wasn’t.
In any case, I did far too many stupid, rude, and impertinent things when I was that age that I’m glad I’m not that age now, when such things are inevitably presumed to be threatening. Especially because I know every stupid, rude, and impertinent thing I did would have been all over the internets—so I never would have gotten away with anything.
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* Name totally not changed.
