Respect Detox; Tame the Addiction!

Addicted to drugs? Worry not. Tom Cruise can “personally” help you cure your addiction. The Scientology detox program will get your ass off heroin in three days!

According to him, he’s not only seen it in action; he’s “personally helped people get off drugs.” Having to deal with his lunatic ass would probably make me start taking drugs. I’d be reaching for the closest chemicals I could find to dull the agony.

“What’s that—Drano? Just put it in a glass with a twist; I need something to cope with Xenuboy. His thetans are getting all up in my grill.”

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