Provided by Mr. Shakes, who does not believe that Bill O'Reilly is cognitively impaired, but instead thinks he suffers from Ron Burgundy syndrome, simply reading off the teleprompter whatever is placed before his beady, little eyes:
"Given the opportunity to tamper with Bill O'Reilly's teleprompter, and provided that I am correct and my wife is insane, what would you make him say?"
Mr. Shakes: It was me on the grassy knoll.
Shakes: I quit. Oh, and by the way, I renounce everything I've ever said, all of which was totally and utterly wrong. And also, I totally am a kinky loofah perv.
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