Sure, Larry King hates your stinking guts and wants to kill you, you disgusting liberal trash, but first he’d like you to strap on your holster and play some Cowboys and Indians with his nasty old ass. Well, if not you, then his seventh wife (or, technically, sixth, since he married one woman twice, and it wasn’t even Liz Taylor):

LARRY King likes to get a little Wild West in the sack, according to his much-younger wife, Shawn Southwick. In an unsettling interview with Howard Stern, Southwick claims, "Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!" She adds that 72-year-old King's bedroom battle cries didn't ring out until after they were married in 1997. Southwick, a devout Mormon, made the wrinkled broadcaster wait until their wedding night to have sex - and only after a doctor signed off on it because of King's heart problems.

Has anyone checked the records to see if Jack Abramoff solicited any GOP campaign contributions from Chief Larry?

(Hat tip to the demented Michael K, who notes, “I hope they make fringed diapers, because I'd hate for him to shit all over his nice Indian costume!” And my apologies to Mr. Furious, who, as our resident Native American contributor, really should have been given first shot at this story.)

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