Fun With Bad Writing

So I'm probably totally evil for doing this, but I had to show somebody the email I got from some guy on Myspace. For those of you not familiar with Myspace.com, it's this networking site with profiles and messages and you put up pictures and you get to see people you went to high school with who you never wanted to see again. But anyway, on my page I say that someday I will live in Paris. So last week I get this message:

Subject: Mademoiselle

"Certainly the Atlantic Ocean alone could not keep them apart, so Jacob flew to Paris to be with his world. The couple would spend weeks on the Riviera, immersed in the other's glow. Monica would show Jacob Paris, as only a Parisian can. The cafes where poets would sit, scribbling sonnets for their loves. The bakeries, whose aromatic concoctions would lure them in to discover fruit lavished pastries and loaves of split-topped bread, still piping hot. It was Monica who introduced Jacob to the impaling elixir of wine. She loved Blue Cheese and Merlot."

- From a longer story


'The impaling elixir of wine?' Like it's so pungent it literally imbeds itself like shrapnel in your esophagus and you die a bleeding death on the floor of the brasserie? So I'm evil. But come the fuck on.

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