Becoming a Right-Wing Pundit

Gee, I wish I knew how they did it. The brilliant pearls that spew from Anne Coulter's equestrian jaw. The lovely nuggets that drop from Jeff Gannon's blow hole (tee-hee!). How do right-wing pundits come up with the creative bullshit they so regularly produce?

Well now we have a lovely guide to point us in the right direction. Follow these steps and you'll be trading "pithy" comments with Bill O'Reilly in no time. Two of my faves:

Now get out your Bible. With your Sharpie, black out all the sections which do not specifically mention homosexuality. Now print the remaining passages on a three-by-five inch note card. This is your new Bible. Have it laminated.

Pose nude and post the pictures on the internet. Start a male escort service. Do not attend journalism school and do not pay your taxes. Change your name. Congratulations, you are now qualified to be a White House press correspondent. If anyone has the audacity to question your qualifications or the process by which you received your White House press credentials, he or she is clearly a raging homophobe. And, quite obviously, a slandering, treasonous liberal. If you can find any patriotism within this person (which is unlikely, considering the fact that all liberals are French-terrorist-communists who hate America) be sure to publicly question its authenticity.

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